its all about you.

that makes it sweet.

for all this while,

all this moment,

i knew its just you.

-hugGs-

x))

sighs.

sumtimes ive been thinking.

issit have to be in this situation?

after what ive seen.

blood again.

its juz blood coming out

the tumor juz keeps growing.

causing to block the whole left hole.

how i treasured the past soo much.

even though i told myself tat,

this wud be fine soon.

it juz cant be.

when will all these happenings,

to end?. juz when issit?

sufferings.sufferings,sufferings.

tats all my mum,dad had to go thru.

why muz it be them?

neh.

its useless toking bout again.

and brooding over this matter,

again and again.

i miss u
i miss u
i miss u
hehs.
its so sweet of today.
huggs*

dad's behaviour

TOTALLY changed.

sick of it.

after all is all his fault.

its hell.

for u to curse us with those such words.

patient. patient. patient.

no more patient this time.

after all,he truth is out.

wadeva my dad's done.

is all his retribuition.

erps.

part time alarm clock calling.

lols. 6 a.m.

and it DAM hard to wake up.

and it KILLS me to wake up so early.

tmr still have to wake her up at 5.45am.

lucky 5.45. hehs. if earlier wait long long

den i can wake up. hehs.

had Lab maths test.

so-so paper.

maybe either just pass

or fail liao.

wahhX.

after skool,

met syl.

which was bout 5 likeddat.

at tamp interchange.

hehs.

went to tampines mall.

walked around.

only drank coke at mac.

and now i have terrible gastric. dang.

nehmind.

headed to simei by mrt.

then to safri zone shops.

see PETS. hehs. the place was so nice.

hehs. hmm.

we went to my school.

coz wana take bus 31 to tamp. interchange.

hehs. the security guard doesnt allow her to enter.

stupid. lucky the guitar with her.

and i say lar.' she got band practice..blarblar'

hehs. the guard STUPIDLY agreed.

lols. took bus 31

then to tamp. interchange.

OMG. the queue DAM DAM long.

and i make her walk for long sak.

took the mrt instead.

then to marina bay bounce back.

then home sweet home.

she dropped at woodlands.

hehs.

i juz felt that today

im so relieved and its beeen long

that ive shared my thoughts,problems.

it was like we always got topic to talk. lols.

it was so relaxing.

enjoyed the sunset.

u made me smile.

-big huGgs-

tata~

see u again x))

26.09.05

sighs*

im so worried.

hope tat matter wud not brood,

over u everyday.

im always here.

by ur side.

take care.

see u tmr. xD

hehs.

blogging early this time round.

was dam not sleepy

even though slept at 3am yesterday.

was busy smsing syl.

wootX.

was really worrying abt her.

tot sumthing happened to her.

sighsighsigh*

tat was 12 am plus.

wana call her but,

then replied at 2am.

phew~ thank GOD.

was juz a headache. hehs.

slept at 3am plus.

woke up at 9am

went for seminar class.

wootX. the title for today is.

"Outline the principles of the economic system.
Explain how it should lead to a more expel
distribution of wealth."

WOOTX. tat sounds terrible.

had a good debate sak. hehs.

it all ended at 1pm.

hmm. took no.8 bus to tao payoh.

den take mrt to smb.

saw kh at toa payoh.

he was heading to his grandma's hse.

hehs. long time nvr go out with them all. umm.

reached home at 2.30 like dat.

then started my cracking again.hehs.

erps.

tmr meeting syl.

perhaps after skool

she passing me the acoustic guitar.

and i passing her the amath wkst.

hmm. TRADE market. lols.

wahhX. boring.

sian-ded.

latersss..

maybe blog again tonite.

heh. heh. heh.

tired. tired .tired.

hmm.

woke up at 11 am likeddat

followed my mum to poke coconut tree

at smb shooping center beside the field

KAOX.

my maid is the one who brings down the coconuts.

heh. i stand there watch any ppl who sue us.

i heard its illegal

coz government property mah.

the coconut is used for
the purpose of curing my mum's cancer

i heard the person say after treatment

all the tumor will be transferred to the young cocunut.

wooTX.. cool la.

hehs.

after tat went back home take free shuttle bus.

mum and maid take cab

i say tompang me lar.

aiyo. but hse near mah.

hehs.

nehmind.

haqeel tat time was calling calling

his frends come over my hse.

to study.

erm i noe its khairi, the other one dun noe.

and sylvia. hehs.

haqeel and his frends also nvr study

joke around.

me ar? KAOX.

i forgot few topics sia.

permutaions GONE CASE.

velocity also.

rest must go flip back

read. read. read.

infact i got the txtbk yesterday night.

my frend lended me.

my book i gave away to sec 3 frend.aiyo~

but nehmind. hehs.

be4 tat,i was telling myself i tink* i can rmb back all

but truely blank sak.

is she the one who teach me.

not her. hahs.

but try my best lor.

hmm.grandma?

grandma?

alar.as usual

talk talk talk non-stop

aiya~ she's like dat from last time

even my mum say hope she would not
become likeddat if she grows old.

hehs. teached also not a lot.

aiyo~ i owe a lot sia.

nehmind. nxt time,

i go write down the qns and do myself

and let her do. wud be better

then kan cheong see book formula

see book see book. hahs.

erps.

it all ended around 6 plus.

erps. haqeel's frends go sun plaza

also dun noe do what.

den sylvia went home.

why nvr tell me u got headache?

sighsighsigh.

hmm..1/2 hr later

went out again.

met jy,faris and manan.

as usual at SP,secret place hehs.

there's an empty hse at one smb flats here

but dark.

hehs.

faris bring his laptop.

ya larhx. hahs.

faris teached me how to hack ares program

wootx. my downlaods now are 100 times faster sak.

tytyty. hehs i overwrite the incoming port

so as to make downloads faster.

hehs. cool sak.

hmm. went home with manan after tat.

uh. here i am. after tat. hehs

laterssssss

hmm.

school.

had lsp test.

which was quite ok paper.

coz all common sense.

then phase test.

i actually know how to do.

but dam nervous sak.

dun noe why.

the way i handle the beakers,

conical flasks like diff likeddat.

lucky finish the whole expt juz in time

sighsighsigh.

im tired.

after school went to study

as usual. amk mac.

with kelsonn.

5 hours of mugging.

dam cold.nvr bring sweater.

but nehmind. managed to study lab maths.

understand a bit.

hmm.

went to meet my frends after dat

were with hadi,faris and manan.

hadi passed me his amath txtbk

lepak a while

den back home~

wootX~

how much longer can u live?

will it come to that day?

will it happen?

it hurts.

for happenings to come.

what if for this situation.

for u to see.

is for u to expect it well.

the curses,pain,hardship.

will it vanish sooner or later?

stop hurting em`

it bears pain to see them like this.

and for that.

i noe what to do.

if things happen to be worse.

the wost to be the worsest.

hola~hola~hola~

today i woke up so dam late.

if i go to school also no use.

coz the 1st batch of students having phase test.

and im in 2nd batch.so its ok lor.

hmm.

1st thing in the morning.

called and msg a lot of ppl

in the end,lucky faris can spare one.

thanks soo much.

phew~

kel asked me out to study.

yeah.again.

seems to be studying everyday.

went to yck meet syl pass the guitar.

yea. tat time was raining.

and met kel at 4pm

went to novena.

we went to find a spot for studying.

but can find a single one. lol.

in the end make up our mind.

SHOPPING.hahs.

no need study.tmr also can go study.

went to adidas boutique.

yea. same old designs all old stocks

still wondering when the new stocks,

would be coming in.sighs* stupid.

went united square opposite.

just walked around.

and kel was attracted by this chinese girl.lol.

kel wana ask her number but dont dare to.

crazy sak.DESPERADO.*mind's distorted*

in the end she left. wasted opportunity.

hmm.after tat went to orchard.

went to far east first.

kel bought the pmk shirt forhis sis's birthday

and OMG. the plastic bag to put the shirt dam unique

its dam dam extraodinary lor.wahx.

hahs.went for dinenr at far east.

was dam full le.

stomach cramp .hahs.^^

went to heeren's.

bought the shirt at rebirth.

its like heart woth blood.so unique

hahs.walked around.

kel took so long to try on the clothes.lol.

until fed up.and bought it in the end.

we dang took our time to walk.

my feet aiyo.so FLAT.

excrucatingly PAIN.wootx.

just imagine.

walked from orchard to dhoby ghout.

idiot.dam far.

and kel went to study eventually ALONE.

at p.s kfc.

sighs.but i nvr go liao.

feet pain,sumore restless.

whole day of walking here and there.

took the train from dhoby ghout

straight to home.hahs.here i am~

lols.

quote of the day:

'u help me tell mrt driver dun drive so fast.uh'

hahs.wotts..laterssss

school.
late again.
i'll always be late.lols.
nvr take the train anymore.
will take 2 hrs to reach.
rather take the bus only 1 hr.
but take bus also late.
like juz now.
i tink my vision blur sialx
i missed TWO buses.
OMG.1st time i see is 965
then when the bus gone,i saw its 969.
shit. maybe too sleepyy.
lolx.
after school,
went studying with kel.
yupx.as usual place.
amk macdonalds.
very peace there.
was studying abt 3 hrs plus.
finally,i get to settle down
to STUDY.
at home.
cannot study.
always get distracted by the comp.
aiyo.crazy.
o lvls coming liao
my science pract. on 20 oct.
then my other subs on nov.
wahx.havent even start revision liao
but since last week.
been studying outside.
really cant study at home.
just now at mac,
flipped thru back the amath txtbk
woots.i totally forgot permutations.
and i hate tat chapter.
sumore velocity also.
aiyo.
rest can.
phew~
coz my frend took c math at jc too.
OMG.lucky nvr go jc.
c-math? wth? dam dam hard.
aiyo.
hmm.this friday.
my phase test and LSP test
ic test coming and so a.c toos.
sighs*
nvm as long as i start studying.
it will be fine. hehs.
hmm..wasted.
ive deleted ALL. the recordings taht we played
thank you mum by good char.
radio by alkaline trio
tiger lily by matchbook roman.
and gsf reggae version lols.
aiyo.since comp was rebooted.all files gone.
tat time say make MMCC band?
lols.crazy.
who wants to go?im not going in.
even though if i sing,
only left guitarist only
the rest all busy
sighs*
dun noe whether
will everyone start back
and kel,repair ur dam electric guitar.zzz

I'll see you on the outside.

and we'll never be the same.

after all that's happened.

its the memories left.

thinking bout the time.

that we have lost.

Trusted your feelings.

im over the past.

these words can say it all.

and stronger everyday.

ive learned to walk away.

so far away,

im gone.

and while im gone.

everything will be alrite.

so easy to confuse another lie.

thats true,

i hope ure happy.

with your life now.

ill always cherish.

the good moments.

nvr will i forget.

thankX for everything..

take careX...

here it goes again.

changed my blog song.

accidentally in love by.

counting crows.hehs.

slept late last nite.

was mugging on the program hack

managed to crack it. *cheers*

was raining yesterday.

hmm.noe sumthing?

the streets of sembawang,

was filled with dunoe wad chinese festival.

i tink mooncake or lantern.

so noisy..aiyo.my dad cant sleep peacefully.

hmm.slept around 2 am plus.

then around 6 am plus.

received a gd morning msg.

wootx.she was awake from 4am siak.

lols..my fault also.

i forgot to set silent mode.

was my fault also.

lols.neway nvm.

woke up at 9am.

do the things tat needs to be done.

10 am left,went for class with my 2nd brother.

then,back home at 2pm..a 3 hr session.

1 hr journey back home.wootX~

yupX..continued my cracking of the program

called 'WPE PRO'.sounds good.

but i yet still cant figure out how to hack the server.

dam hard.will try but fails.

hmm..its time for me to study back my a-maths.

but,my book i gave away to ismail

then have to ask from hadi,lucky he have.

the rest of my friends all throw away the txtbook.

wah kao..all throw?..sum donated to wad charity lar.lolx.

but hmm..today i flipped thru my a math asses.bk

i manage to absord some.

but uh. velocity.no way i can remember.

hmm. trigonometry maybe can.

coz i forget the tricks to tackle the trigo qns.

but neway can larhX..

i have to teach her a math liao.

always fail highest 36/80.omg.dats bad.

nvm.ill make sure she does well in o lvls uh.no worries.

hmm.

yesterday there was a rumor.i guess.

my frend got a msg stating tat,

i was admitted to hospital.

i was like OMG.am i dreaming?

or am i in a coma? lols.

but the true fact im still alive here at home.lolx.

anyway,its fake..maybe some confusion or what.

hmm..

i still owe a lot of ppl.

many ppl asked me to do for 'em their blog

but im willing to.if im bored.

i owe saiful,my class cbox,kel,kh and shahrul.

5 more to go.wootX.

patience ohkae.

time just flies so fast.

startingg nxt week i will be having my phase test.

practical test.individual.

oh man.~*mugging* lols

hmm.

ive been blogging for so long.

dats all for today.

take careX everyone~..

latersssss

oh well.

My mum went for treatment.

again.today. at indonesia.

there goes the day again.

life has TOTALLY changed.

since tat day happens.

cries,sorrows sank deep.

6th of may 2005.

the day when the doctor found out,

tat my mum got nose cancer(anasthesia).

and i knew tat its the end.

which was only the second stage.

until now became 4th stage,

issit too late?..

till now,time keeps dragging by.

chemotherapy and radiography.

must be done asap.

the outcome?..

My mum will be dam weak.

Lie down on bed for 3 months plus.

sighs*

NOTHING could be helped.

even if till tat day if things

turned out to be worse,

i knew tat life has to go on.

i wont let emotions

take me.

those peeps who show concern towards me,

thanks a lotx.i appreicate it kx..hUgss+ (",)

hmm..as usual school..

but starts st 10 end at 1pm

quite fast le..

took the train from expo mrt.

with wawan and acit.

acit dropped at lavender for passport thingy.

and i left at bugis station.

i planned to go shooping

yupx..called kelsonn come along.

and he took 2 hrs to meet me.

wah..si bei long liao..

but nvm..be4 tat i went to the new national library.

was dam HUGE.

omg..the best for book reference.

aiyo..come ther also juz to sit down take air con.

lolx..by tat time have to go city hall meet kelsonn readix

hmm..went to peninsula plaza..

kelsonn wanted to buy the nike shoe.

but his dad say buy tmr..but nvm..

headed to bugis again.

i bought the adidas sweater..

bargain like crazy..

coz the guy knew me and kel

tat time kel and otehr 6 ppl buy one shot.

so i got GREAT. discount..hahs.

hmm..

later tat was 7 plus raedix

went to ang mo kio macdonalds.

to study..

kelsonn studied his jc stuff

i did my o lvls revision.

and a bit of IC and Lab maths.

so study.study.study.

till 9 plus.

phew~

tired~~~

sighs*

i hope not to talk abt it anymore

its juz sickening..

hopefully tat miracle wud happen.

and it turns out fine.

haix..

Nothing could be helped anymore.

Its just NOTHING.

Seeing them,

ROTTING day by day.

*regrets~

firST thiNg in the morniNG..

was suppoSed to foR cLassbUT skippEd it..

instEAd went to smb.shoppi. ctrlols..

playEd cS fOR abt 3 hrS..

iT wAs me,hazEEq and tauFan..

loNg time nvr pLaY cs reAdix

tiLL cockEd up liAowaS laughIng anD laughINg loudLy

can becoME craZy liAo..wooTX.

it wAs liKE 4 yrS oF frendshiP

foR ppL liKE asroL,syAzwAn they have forgEt abt uS..

first thINg sAw me or taufAn,shakE hanDs,smiLE,tHEn waLK oFf..

sighS*

stiLL rmb the skOOL dAys duriNg sec 2

my bEst of the BEst yeAr of schooLIng

reallI had loTS of fuN

but it aLL has fAded aWay..

hMMm..afTEr dAt wenT homE

hazeEQ caLLEd hiS frenDs coME oVEr my hSe to stuDy

it wAs liKE 6 or 7 ppL

my hSe becomiNG KAOX

aLL becoZ of granDMA

tALk anD talK aND nag anD nAg i cant stanD it reAdix

aND dAm kao peI Le

briNg chiNEse frenDs alSO cannOt?walAo..shE tinKS is hEr houSe..

anD my bro shoUT at her,wiLL becomE more worSer

so beTTEr jUZ dun talk to my granDmA..

lUCky afTEr a whiLE sHE go to sLeep

pHEw*..

aND i broUGht my 4 th bro oVEr..

so cuTEx and my 4th bro dun wan to cLIng oF any oF my frenDs

all my 4th baby brudder wantEd wAs me or hazEEQ..Lols

taufAn was fed up alrEAdy..

in the end hE sLEpt at my rooM

syLvia wenT home eArLy afTEr dAt

den afTEr a whiLE my 3rd brotHEr gf also went home too.

left me,my 2nd bro,ashika,taufan aND roshILa
diNNEr?..
"ouR" trEAt
mcnuggETs meAL at mAcdonaLds..lol

wooTX..

they aLL watchEd men in bLAck II..

buT very boriNg..bUAixx

thEy went hoME arouND 7 pLus

dat tiME i was doiNg my liFe skiLLs projEct

now stiLL havent completE yet

coZ of the fuN had jUZ noW

sighs* what my frenD said to me ..issIt truE or not?

he saiD tAt onE yr afTEr a person's contract with canCEr dies

iF the person nvr go for treatmenT..

nvm

it wiLL nVR nvr happens

this time round//

here again.

bumped into her again.

the second time.

the beautiful smile of hers.

she knew it was me.

hahs.lol.

never mine.

we'll meet at the old bus stop.

again.this time round.

euhOOXx

my house is SPRING clean.

my 3rd brother's deaR came to my house

OMG.the dishes.

the laundry.

the bedsheets.

the floor.

everything dam fucking tidied up.

so happy.

my 3rd bro's gf mum asked her to come my house

to clean up my house without complaints

she LOVED it.

hahas.

phew*

felt so relieved now.

both my parents arent at home.

Still undergoing for treatments.

Will be back 3 weeks later.

*Finger crossed*.

Really hoping that miracle happens.

Just hoping that tumor does not spread to my mum's eyes.

Or worst still,to the brain.

sighs*

now,

the dam BIG problem is

I CANT WAKE UP early

SHIT.

the alarm clocks wont work for me.

i think have to buy 4 or 5 alarm clocks.

then all 5 ring at one time.

Confirm can wake up.

sighs*

And today,alamak*!

I woke up at 10.30 am..

OMG.

then rushed.

left at 11am

took the 969 bus and 31

and reached at 12.

Exactly on the dot.

AIYO.

laterssss...

oh my gosh!

my neighbour ordered for the the three of us pizza

i was starving.really starving.

lucky my neighbour knew about it.

I have not not been eating dinner.

Recently skipping meals,

juz because parents not at home

dad and mum went for treatments

they will be back maybe in 3 more weeks time

left me and my other 2 brothers alone.

Thoughi have a maid,

but the maid slept at my aunt's place.

To take care of my dad and mum

oh no.

the laundry.

the housekeeping.

the ironing of the clothes.

SHIT.

no one to wake me up to go to skool

even though i set the alarm,

i wont wake up.

its as though i dead sleeping.

when the alarm sounds,

there it goes again.

reached out for the clock.

pressed the snooze button.

OMG.waking up at 5am mondays to fridays.

so far,my dad's condition improving.

Was a quite 'OK' situation.

My mum.My mum.My mum.

When will the cancer be recovering?

Its been 5 months!

Now that it have reached stage 4.

Is it too late?

Will it recover?

Is it that now its too late for the chemotheraphy and radiography?

* fingers crossed*

now that i knew

how tough life is

And i have to go through all these

Though seeing both my parents sick,

I have to harden my heart

What my uncle said to me that day,

Thank you so much.

My uncle is e' one hwo helped my family the most

He introduced the buddhist treatment to us.

Or not;

If not for him,both my parents would be no more here anymore.

sighs*

FATE;FATE;FATE

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN

AND THAT,LIFE HAS TO GO ON

[[remember the past;

treasure the present;

embrace the future]]

winKs* (",)

hiDE museUm mUSt nOT cLosE dowN!!

OMG.

25th sepTembeR 2005.

tHE petition iS stiLL oN.

http://www.petitiononline.com/gt347981/

so far dated 17,704 siGnatuREs

sigh*

hmm..it was quite sad after all

hide's museum is closing down on the 25th of september

sigh*

its just the precious moments he had gone thru

since hide has passed away..

lets just pray he rest in peace

But,the petition would still be on

so far 17,704 signatures dated

sigh*..><

I just cant imagine how X Japan has gone thru so much

Their songs are just memorable.

hMMm..iM bAck!!

eUhooHoUUXx

wooTX...

jUZ repaiRed my dAm stuPId comPutEr..

evErytime the comp crAsHEs

tHE hardiSK faiLure and moDem spoiLt

and i payEd a dAM higH priCe for em'

haRdisk plUS installatioN - $120

mODem - $95

cRaZee..i uSed up alL my savIngs on dAt

mUm wAs naggiNG aT mE

totAl 200+ wasTEd liKE dAt

nOW banK leFt $4 pLUs..pathETiC..

waNA start mY woRk..bUT..

my mUM saID to tAKe carEx of mY dad 1St

anOther thiNg my otHEr 4 frEnds who went For tHE trainiNG

dID not waNt to woRk cOZ they sAy very troubLesoME

i miSSed my dAm compuTEr

hmm..itS beeN liKE 1 monTh pLus

diD not touCh the comPuter

dEn at hoME..can bEcomE crazEE

do noThiNG..LOLX..

jUZ beeN thinkINg..

doiNg nuthiNG at hoME whEN takiNG careX of mY dAd

jUZ makEs mE thinK baCk thOSe tiMEs

im jUZ missINg u sumhOW

liFe nOW is jUZ compLetE siLEnCe

hAIXx..thINkING*

so fAR..my daD's conditIon is improVing sLOwlY..

bUT hE loST 25kg !!!!! instantlY

reallY piTY..noW quite thin readIXx..

nO appEtitE..harD to walK all theSe

as fOR mY mUm...

tHE cancEr has reacHEd the enD stagE..

staGE 4..gonA spreAd to the eyeS sOOn

tHE tumOR haVE enLArgEd..tiLL tHE nose swoLLEn

thE doCs sAy chemothEraphy and radiOgraphY wud be gooD

buT my muM wont go for eM'

haIX..only havE to relY on traditioNAL chinEse anD malaY methODs

bUT the chinEse mEthOD is oUR onLY hoPE

dUn nOE LArhX..tHE persON uSed baTin to cuRe my dAd's sicknEss

mY dad'S sickNEss is nOT normaL anywAy

tAT eviL perSon uSed sUm kiNd oF black mAgiC on mY dAd

itS terribLE..reaLLy..

thOUgh u aLL dun beliEve thIS..then nVm..bUT its trUe

afTEr whAT the mAn tolD me aND my mUm

HE sAid tAt my dAd wouLD diE sooN if nO treatmEnts are doNE

so onLY hoPE usiNG tHE buddhISt methOD..

hopE everythINg wyD be noRmaL sooN

*fingErs cRossEd*

jUZ hopiNG tAt aLL theSe wuD be ovERcomEd sooN..

anD onCe foR aLL..hoPE to ceLebrATe afTEr both my parEntS have recovEreD

anD hari raYA tOOS..

oKIEs..wiLL blOg agAIn maYBe toniTE..

latErssss..

lAst bUt nOT leaSt

fOR aLL thOSe ppL whO tagGEd..

thANks and takE careX

a tribUte to thoSe ppL whO carED fOR..

teARs bY x-jaPAn..