So its true

all these while then

So cold in life throws

I would better not.

Maybe it isnt just right

Maybe ive been wronged

What ive had expected

turns out to be the different person

all changed right?

So,what everyone thinks about it,

Their views should be correct

Maybe i should listen to them

I should not have taken this way

thanks ah.

I just have to

go

far

away.

Photos capture moments

Just like this journal

Moments are temporary

But when captured,

They are immortalised.

Photos are all i left

The simplest of daily tasks have become a chore

Somehow, I find the will to carry on

My will comes from the hope of one day having her again.

As much of a chore living was,

I was quick to achieve my daily tasks

It is as though I have

lost the purpose to do them

For whatever it is

Sleep is great

When u sleep u do not think

You can dream, and more often not

Your dreams are a self-reflective satrical

play of your life.

I feel as though time is going by so quickly

I want to stop it for just a little while

Stop the world for a while so that I can get myself sorted out

Feels like I need some time to think about everything

But that in itself is a dream

But that's impossible, isn't it?

for all I wished to do was be still and dream

Dream about that day.

State of mind.

It helps me to think about other things.

If that's even possible,

Well, its not.

But when i am forced to focus my attention

to other things,

sometimes my pain flutters for a moment

It is as if for a moment

I forget that i am alive

A level of consiousness that resides in a void

-in nothingness.

A state where I have no feelings of any kind

But, its just for a moment

-the pain returns as quickly as it goes.

headed home after school

see both my parents went for treatment

at indonesia today

so they will be back problably tmr or next 2 days

planned to go swimming

but cancelled it

thoug hthe weather is perfectly fine

was me and hazeeq boredom at home.

so decided to went over taufan's house

was with shahid and his other friend.

though his parents not at home

we were like crazy.

with the loud-banging techno music

them with their leisures; puffing and puffing

played the guitars,

played the so called funny PS game

oh YA.

were busy dying their hair

taufan and hazeeq dyed.

hot red and copper brown for each.

ha.

ok. we will catch up soon

the place chosen behind esplanade

but i dunoe. so how?

call police? werps.

yesterday

headed home after school

and slept straight away

without revising my science paper 1

which is the last paper today.

yeahhhh.

last paper.

i bet those o lvl students

would be having hips and hips

of fun

for about 4-6 months?

=)))

so i better do some last minute revision

NOW.

the formulaes, ths stuffs.

werps.

my brother went to office today

to send the-uber-xxxxing lady

registered letter.

court case.

idiot.

no sense of humanity

i wonder how the situation would be.

on how we would gonna win the case.

OMG.

ridiculous.

moreover its her fault.

if we are really sued.

and gona pay her.

NVM.

GOD will BLESS her

with something

that is not meant to be

school resumed yesterday.

had micrology.

new module.

is like crazy.

the so-called names.

life would be better

next year.

new beginning.

both my parents' condition

are improving =))

i hope for the best.

moreover.

if who wants a job.

called 'jigging'

tell me.

i have a few vacancies at ebel ltd.

1.3-1.5k a month

morning/night shift.

good pay =)

latersssss

had a good dinner

at seoul garden;

causeway point

with the whole class,

last two days.

but the way we ate,

is tiring

cook+eat.

4 hrs for full dinner.

ha. =)

but. the food is nice.

and manageable

im probably changing my skin soon.

maybe tmr would be published.

but need some touch-ups to the background

coz haqeel lost the ulead photo cd

he better find it.

or he knows wad im gonna do.

-_-"

it seems that

my another friend of mine

had the same problem with me

erps.

yaya.

sensitive people.

latersss

Listening to all these songs.

These songs i used to listen,

Like what it had to be,

Songs bring back memories

They trigger little moments in ur life.

One minute, i'll be laughing my head off,

And the next i would be sobbing my eyes out.

However short the possibility,

One day perhaps,

I'll decide it's all worth it.

I don't know if that one day will come.

Every little decision i made,

Every step that i take in any way,

Every's moment's minutes changes is making up my future.

The unique outcome of time.

Stop the world, i wanna get off

yesterday

i went to subordinate court

with mum

thought that the hearing

falls yesterday

but the respondent

sabotaged us

nad merely stating it falls

on the 4th of november

and accused us dun noe wad shit

till we have to lodge a report

stating our reasons

why my mum didnt come for the hearing

on the 4th of november

is is dam bloody common-sense rite?

who would wan to open the boutique

in the midst of hari raya?

sumore the letter was sent

to the shop's letter box

which my mum randomly

opened the letter box

now the problem is

my mum did not receive the form4

which by the order of court

the letter of dismiss

what sia?

that malay lady

is a liar of course

nevermind.

since you wanna fight the case

just bring yourself

sumtime next week or two

we will meet

and say out urs and ours

rantings. >.<

you wanna the curses

we prepared?

just come.

just came back home

bathed.

after the hot weather

perspiring,

oily face.

first we met up at 12pm

at woodlands mrt.

and it was Me,Faris who reached

first.

then came the other three;

Raihan,Nadia and Hanafi.

The rest came super- late

of course larh.

girls wad.

wear make-up so long

have to look so nice to go out

-_-"

Though Syazwan,Din,Hadi

came a few minutes later

which was ohkae.

Khaty and Aini

came late

they are the one we complained about.

As usual,

kena warning by

the un-so

Hadi. LOL.

first house we went was Saiful's hse

which is at woodlands

which an-ohkae walk

so girls wearing heels

u noe larh. =/

ohkae larh.

his hse saw his adik

sooooo cute

with the 2 teeth still growing in front.

HA.

After that,

ahd a trip back to sembawang

by the bus from woodlands

Hadi's hse

was next.

met Gaffurr on e way there

which he woke up late.

big time joker.

we said.

still can wear gold sumore.

think he's married. uhuh.

even three girls

who went with us smoked already.

wooohhhh.

tsk. tsk.

ya. it was a whole day.

every hse

CONFIRM will eat full meal

till at the end of the day,

people can see our stomachs'

bloated to the max

ha. =p

faris hse is best.

jy played the solos of most songs he knew.

wah kaooo~~~

the fingering like wooots.

cant say readi. too fast.

i wana learn

' the youth gone wild'

so faris. teach me kay. ha.

so out of the 13 of us,

we went to 8 houses

and it was like erm from 12 pm to 11 pm

woooootsss

oh YA.

forget to say.

khaty's hse

is reaaaaaaal faaaarrrrrr.

it was like from blk 662 to

the back of northbrooks secondary,

was like wow

sumore the place there

very 'ulu' ;

scary if at night;

always have wild dogs everywhere;

but its peace there.

anyways, we had lots of fun

lots of laughters

here and there.

ya. i'll post the pics up soon.

if nadia upload it to her comp soon.

and send to us soon.

my digicam aiyerrrr.

spoilt liao. siao readi. =/

wohkaes.

we're having barbecue pit soon.

have to poon money first.

best. best. best.

laterssss =)

So...life should be getting better, right?

Nope.

find myself facing the same quesitons.

Questions about direction, purpose, meaning...reason...

What do I look for in life?

Where should I aim?

What do I want from it?

One problem solved, another problem grows.

Is life just a continuous fight to be beyond your problems?

And what so if you fall beneath them?

Do you lose?

Do you die?

Someone joked the other day saying that:

"Life: the game where everyone loses".

You know, it's more true than it is not.

OMFG

this is going big.

and letting the whole of s'pore

knew about it.

my mum's shop

has been sued.

see lar.

kiasu. -_-"

my parents just opened the mailbox

saw this government

court letter.

sigh sigh.

confirm kaox sak.

all the hardwork

in hari raya tailoring

1,000++

gona be burnt

and shaza boutique

gona be a bad name soon

i just feel like

kicking her ass out.

small problem wanna make it big

just because a few maniqs

dropped out of her tailored kebaya.

wah kao~~~~~~~~~

now

fight back the court case?

ergh.

waste money again. =/

Its such a bare.

had 2 whole days

accompanying both my parents

when it come to this

its always me

that;

always sacrifices the most

for the family

right?

uh. uh.

now that i'm back.

its fine.

these 3 weeks of school holidays.

i have to make use of every.

day.

coz i won't be having

any december holidays

like those kids in priamry

and seconday school had.

lols.

school starting in 21st nov

22nd nov having last paer for O's

and i seriously say

i ain't gona make it again

felt like leaving the room

halfway thru the papers.

hmm.

my schedule.

17th nov.

-the new harry potter episode

which i got lots of free tickets

which some are being booked by some

desperados. -_-"

which would be at noon

and evening

will be having dinner

with my whole class

with lecturer also.

hope i can make it on time at 6pm

after the movie ends

and tomorrow

will be a big day

since i cant make it for jalan raya

with my schoolmates

so going with my ex sec schoolmates

will be kaox

confirm more than 20 ppl

then go every hse

confirm the parents bankrupt.

LOL.

but ha.

my house cannot go.

no one. =)

now that my 2nd finger

has been tored

the 2st skin layer tored

+ numb + pain

wah kao~~.

see lar.

use metal strings summore

zZz.

i managed to play the song

'thank you mum'; full

it was helluva hell.

i think playing bass is better

i hate using picks

confirm i strum wrong string

even though i got the tabs rite

so better use finger.

ha.

ohkaes..

im bored now.

my frends went to hong kong

for vacation

so guess maybe nxt week then

can join them for a swim

maybe everyday

+tanning.

OH ya.

i can't find the bag tat

im looking for at bugis.

been searching for 2 hrs plus

till wasted my time

i saw alif and his gang

wit hthe big masters. LOL.

big-sized bodies.

and its great jamming at his hse

full set of equipment

with 1 bass.

2 electric.

1 drum

and a classical one.

better than going all the way

to yishun near mac drive thru

and full.

crap. lots of ppl.

though the equipment there are good

and quite reasonable price

but heh.

nehmind. =/

kayyyyyy.

ive said once.

ive been hurt once.

now its the second time.

and its the same

that happened in the past.

what would i say now

i think.

its just maybe.

all the times, the past.

how i wished it could carry on.

first of all

finished all my english papers.

finished all science theory papers.

left sci paper 3 on the 22th nov.

i met Mathan,

Iqbal,

Sabri.

All of them taking private O's too

did not knew about that.

we talked for a while after the papers

they were asking me out

some other day.

i'll see about that.

soon after that

the other two went to smoke

and Sabri was going after a girl

trying to get her number

yesterday the other girl rejected him. LOL.

coz had a bf already.

now another one. zZz.

no shame =/

i went to hougang after the whole event

to A.S.A

my dad's workplace

which he had been retrenched last few weeks

i was there

to collect my dad's pay cheque

on his behalf of his son,

which is me of course.

I met the big BOSS.

6th floor

HSR department.

i asked the people around

the place was dam huge

and complicated.

it was like a maze though

i signed the papers

whatever the documents lar.

he asked me so many qns

regarding about my dad

my dad's sickness etc.

it was a good one-to-one talking

hee.

i checked out of the building 1hr later

after the cheque is given out.

i didnt know that my dad earned that lot

every month. woots.

now, aiya. retrenched =/

fred called me up 20 mins

after ive boarded the 854 bus

to yishun.

planned to go jammin'

but little people

only Me, Fred and Khai

no one plays the rhythm

which we really need it

but it all screwed up just fine.

played reminissions

thanks for nothing

gsf

stand by me(LOL)

and second heartbeat

2 hrs of exhaustion

both my 2nd and 3rd

fingers gona tear soon.

erps.

my..my..

bad red aching sore throat

coming up.

just because of second heartbeat song.

it pains the throat.

i had my dinner after that

and home sweet home.

tmr will be leaving

accompanying both my parents for their treatments

which may take the WHOLE day

3 houses,

means 3 stages of treatment

sighs*

okaes.. latersss

so

heal these wounds

as these greatest

glory i may had

i tried

i had

it ends no essential

come back

wooh

finally =)))

got my specs made.

this time not plain

like the last white specs i made

which i DID NOT wear

coz

will attract attention.

lols. =X

maybe yesterday is the last day

for jalan raya

busy man

o lvls coming

parents' treatments coming

other stuffs to be done

OH YA.

i was interviewed by this OSIM thingy

their products etc.

and got this lady

wearing the vibration thingy all over the body.

lols.

and it was sumkind

like losing weight product

hurhs - hurhs*

sum people may think

bout another mindset.

erps.

ohkaes.

my dad won

sum free movie tickets

to the new episode

of harry potter

forgot the title.

on the 17th nov

still got 3 more free tickets.

who wana come?

or who want the tickets.

1st come 1st serve.

hahs. =))

kays. latersss

ohkae.

first of all.

im having a 38.4 degree celcius

high fever;

accompanied with

killing coughs;

murdering running nose.

just because did not have enough rest.

last week;

went to indonesia

for my mum's treatment

it was hell there.

not my typical type of place

but. yeah. just go.

3 days 2 nights stayed at there.

i was like

lie down on the bed for 3 days

without walking

moving

lie and eat.

it sucks.

ya. den took the ferry home

the next day slept at my mum's boutique

till 5pm on the 1st day of hari raya itself

was dam3 tired

no relaxation

no bed;

i slept beside MANIQ's shop

got bench there

just imagine

it was dam creepy

the ONLY shop tat is opened

at TKC.

woots.

OH YA.

i appeared on tv LIFE.

woots.

at geylang bazaar.

ahacks.

WAS pretending

buying necklaces those acces. lols.

was clear man.

was with me ;my 2nd bro

with 2 other aunts.

hehs.

famous for a while lol.

once appeared on tv life;

smses came

calls came.

lols.

kay, hayqal

dun be so proud okay.

=X

hees.

mmm today

was a -not-so-good-day-

went out for hari raya

with another family

so sad.

my dad cant go

coz not stable yet

my mum tc of my dad.

so...

it just feel so diferentttt.

and while dat

having a BAD flu sumore

it was terrible...

suffered for 9 hrs.

to back home to eat my medicine.

ohkae.

now if my frends wana make a band;

shud we name it

' a farewell cadence'

or

' twisted whispers'

erps

now on the 10th of nov

maybe i cant make it for jalan raya.

maybe going overseas for my dad's treatment

hope so postponed or sumthing

sighs*

mmm.

wad song wud be nice?

we are planning to play sumwhere in fullerton

but uh. common

maybe longest line by NOFX.

lols.

kay3.

will discuss nxt time

as long i got the chords right

hahs.

laterssss

bahhh

my brother's got the guitar back.

probably 'taking' it

coz his friend also dun care at all.

ha. =P

and its been the whole night

me.

practising it.

its been 1001 years

since i last played a full song.

woots.

had this guita program downloaded

but a trial verison

sighs*

cant find the crack

to sumhow hacked it

to make it more days

or of course last forever la

it seems it doesnt work sak.

nehmind. nehmind.

i'll find a way sumhow.

hee.

mmm.

last 3 days was out overseas

not malaysia.

but i just cudnt mention it.

coz probably it just got

sumthing to do with it.

had lots of crap

doing there

boredom to the max.

see my mum undergo the treatments

were like killing me.

erps.

tmr is the BIG day

but ain't for me.

it just means nuthing at all.

it seems my family arent united back.

so...

u probably noe la.

ohkaess.

ive gtg now

lots of things to be done

cut my hair at yck;

buying the pathetic pants at cine;

making new specs probably today

maybe a white color one again. hee;

YA.anyway;

my mum's shop

had a terrible war yesterday

just becos their

baju kurungs; kebaya

not ready yet

and cant be completed in time

so there it goes

the shouting;

the cursing;

aiya;

these people

no sense at all.

ergh

latersss