I swear he will die a terrible death.
I swear he will get cursed.

I wonder how much he's gonna suffer.
The price you have to pay for us,
for making situations in my family hard.

You see urself.
Your face had become fucking black.
Just because of the
outrageous bad deeds u have done.

Become blacker
Releasing back all those hardship to you back.

You think aiming my mum is a benefit rite?
You think making the boutique's business down good rite?
Wad for all these?
Wad's the outcome?
HELL you go.

Go and die larh.
I don't want to see your face anymore.
And make sure you go to hell.
Stupid old,fagged, old man.

Oh ya,
he's a bapuk btw.

The past keeps rekindling on me
again.
The same thing happened last time,
back from the start
back like april 2005.

Though time recovers as days pass by,
Trying to close the last wounds
The feeling of reminiscing back to that state
unbearable again.

How i wished to talk to you again,
How i wished i could share the problems
with you again,
like we used to do last time.

I don't want to disturb of what ure doing now
You're schooling, and having major exams this year.

Even with silence throughout the months,
Maybe its just for own good.

Maybe i've got to keep to myself,
this time.

Things have to be done fast,
the tianxian treatments coming up,
hope if it works.

Even if going to radiation process,
i won't even let.
Its gonna be painful consequences.

Hoping that this medicine would work,
from this website.
http://www.tianxian.com

seeing the testimonials,
really made me feel better.
BUT.

it costs 600~800++ US dollars.
and its for real.
omg so ex.

dad's still doing the surveying
in case this is fake.

i've really thought that everything is over,
making this year a new resolution.
and it will be over soon.
soon.

fuck off of ur stupid doings,
stupid whereabouts.
to and fro.

what's the benefit of killing people,
without being caught?
and becoming proud.

nothing,
no upright-ness.

the only thing i'm waiting,
for all these to be over..

and not,
coming back.

I saw mum struggling again
in trying to shrunk back the tumor.

but failed this time.
the person who treats mum
have left,
and gone missing in batam.

it was ohkae the other day,
all the cancer cells have fade off
but, this time
that fucking man keeps on trying
on my mum using his stupid,
some kind of thailand black magic,
making the family suffer too much.

i've thought its all over already,
dad had recovered last month.
after the treatment.

now's my mum's turn again.
few more weeks,
its gonna start to spread
to my mum's brain.
making more fatal.


i don't know why
he must be jealous of us.
jealous of my mum's boutique,
making us lose business.

i sucked,
im stupid.
i did nothing to help.

"...doctor said radiation would be the most
method but survival rate would be 15% only
with the age...."

what about the disastrous side effects?..

sighhsss.

Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand;
into the waves

Walk me across the water
And maybe you'll understand

Once the stone
You're crawling under
Is lifted off your shoulders

Once the cloud that's raining
Over your head disappears

The noise that you'll hear
Is the crashing down of hollow years

Of silence..

went swimming today
after school.

but a while.
jammed after that.

learned
mimpi yang sempurna by peterpan,
bintang di surga

also
wounds by good charlotte

recorded them'
kekek.
hahas.

For all this time I have tried
to find something else.

I tried my hardest, honestly.
I tried all I could.

But I couldn't find anything else.
I am in the same place as that where I left you.

It's always like in that dream.
Some close to getting everything,
yet so far,

away where it had left behind..

I did the encryption,

got that arse-hole's stats.

IP Address 222.165.72.211

Country Singapore

Region Singapore, North Zone

City Singapore

ISP: Starhub Cable Vision Ltd

Returning Visits 1

Visit Length 5 mins 34 secs

VISITOR SYSTEM SPECS

Browser MSIE 6.0 [internet explorer]

Operating System Windows XP

Resolution 1024x768

Javascript Enabled

19th February 2006 12:15:27 PM

19th February 2006 12:17:14 PM

19th February 2006 12:20:51 PM

19th February 2006 12:21:01 PM


that dam arse-hole.
like i care like that.
zZzzZzZz.

dead tired.

after creating the skin
which Taufan wanted.

very uber-scary theme.
using my photo-shop skills.

phew~

its almost done.
i took like one WHOLE day.

did some at his hse
and he came over my hse
to download the photo-shop brushes.

my brain gonna explode.


making me more addicted
to create blogskins.
3 blogskins done in a row this 2 weeks.
my, my.
-_-"

just in time
i remembered about JAE

i applied at 5.18pm
luckkyy sak.

it's supposed to close at 4pm.

so 5 mins after i applied,
went back to the website.

it says.
'Sry, Jae application has closed down"

phewww~~

i wished i could see the stars
with you again.

i wished we could go
to clarke quay again.
to reminisce that day again.

i wished i did not make
that regretabble decision.

i wished i could reverse
back the time.

i wished i could sing
to you again.

i wished i could go on
thru' the good and bad times
with you again.

thanks truckloads,
for being by my side.

to you,
happy valentines day.

bloghoppers,
are idiots rite?
aiyar. bai chi larh. -_-"

they come to ppl's blog.
and said hi and take care.

and asked the person
to link the bloghopper.

like as if the person knows
the bloghopper.

and when the person goes to the
bloghopper's site,
the bloghopper got around
tons and tons of frends

so i guess.
all by bloghopping.

and so,
thus this happens to me.
-_-"

like as if i want to link that
bloghopper.

what's the use.
no point.

Months, dissolving away in front of my eyes.
Dissolving so easily I have no way to grasp it
in my hands to make any use of it.

Feels like so long ago,
yet like if it was yesterday.

If my memory of you
has an expiration date,
let it be 10,000 years.

where should i go now?
where?

though the results
are still the same,
im still un-satisfied.

i should have studied
for my private O's.

wasted my money.
$300++ for 2 subjects only.

IF i were to get that IT course,
i will have to start back afresh
to a new leaf.
new life to adapt too.

one more thing,
i just can't leave ITE just like that.
given the best-est class/classmates ever.

hmm..
even mum and dad
had no comments.

nehmind.
about yesterday.
had to go back to ex-school.
me and hidah set up a booth
at sembawang secondary.

omg.
just flyers ONLY.
hmph.
you see junior college booth,
poly booths.

all with decorated,
nice posters,
articles everywhere.

mine?
plain.
lucky i had my pulau semakau leaflet,
had my student handbook.
and the JAE booklet
and lucky hidah brought
the microbio textbook.

at least something on the table.
then just small,tiny-winy flyers.
at least looked better.

ppl asking about enquiries
about other courses lahh.
not about biochem tech course.
out of 200
left 187.
gave out only 13.
pathethic.

students asked about night classes
part time courses.
aiyerrrr.

its fun to see the atmosphere
of students taking results.
some tooo happy, cried
some depressed, cried.

hehs.
lucky my brother qualified to poly.
phew~

kkkkkkkkkkk,
latersss.

got my damn results.
still same.
like last year pts.

and this time,
i am offered 8 courses in poly.
unlike last yr only 1 course
all under IT courses.

wanted to go to
cyber digital and security
or games design & development.

maybe i will get
maybe not.

but,
thinking back,
what about my biochem tech course?
one year past.

sighsss.
confusedddd.

Things changed again.
After few months,
I've thought that the sweet
ending came true;

But, it didn't.

Making things more impossible.
I don't know that
it will forever continue
as it is.

Making things so difficult.
To-and-Fro
Again and again.

Please..
Spare a thought for this situation.
You ain't doing this to my mum
for the rest of ur lives.

You think using ur
shit black magic to attack
my family is good rite?

To let us suffer
and end up dying slowly.

What could we do?
What should we do?
Useless.

God BLESS u lah.
go burn in HELL.

I still remember
you said,
life is just like a rainbow
when things changed recently.

it doesnt go mback
to that miraclethat have been expected.

My mum's tumor
started growning back.
so miracle-ly.

called for treatment again
these three days.
but couldnt contact the one
which usually go for treatment.

how kaox it is.
mum's going for treatment
on another place,
not in singapore.

sighs.

I noe you have always wanted this
to happen.


I just don't wanna start all over again
anymore.

From the start;
Commiting, everything.

sorry..

had kenduri at
late aunty's hse.

big FEAST.

wahahaha.

=DD

aiyerrr.
should have gone to chingay
today,

coz.
its better than last year
when i saw it in tv live
on channel eight.

sumore have fireworks.
=XXX.

did not go out today.
stayed at home all day.

fixed my guitar strings.
bought the second set of strings
coz yesterday while tuning
broke again. =X

now.
guitar's back to condition.
the strings gotta be seasoned first.
hehs.

trying my luck in playing reminisions
by a7X;
but only halfway
the solo part.

kayyys.
btw, chanegd blog song again.
ive got the pieces live version
BUT with the symphony band at the last part.
cant get to find it on the net.

nehmind.
i'm hungry now.

tataaa people~

Maybe i should stop
thinking about the past.

It's over already,
RITE?

So, stop waiting,
and waiting
like an idiot
till that uber-miracle happens.
bahhhhhhhhhhh.

back to school.
TOMORROW,
i'll be having
molecular biology test.

And DAM me still here,
in front of the computer.
surfing, chatting
doing things that are wasting time.

OMG.
ohkaeeeee.
at 9pm sharp.
i 'll go studyyyyyy.

molecular bio;
danggg.
si bei hard siao
DNA,RNA
genes, mRNA
they are exploding my head.

sighs.
i hope the coming real exam
i must pass.
or else have to repeat for another year.

wakakakakaka.
btw,bought the guitar strings.
but dunnoe how to fix it.
hehs.

im off now to studyyy.
like real.
hope i can study till 2am or 3am.
and NOT doze off.

and even i didnt even start
reading my lecture number one,
till the recent one.

fail.
or pass?

aiyerrrrrrrrrrr.
okae lar.
make sure i pass can le.

I guess everything

somehow many things
like many other things,

end with a tragic ending.
if being related to shit life.

Same goes to relationships.

RARELY relationships end
with happiness.
or anything of what you think of.

So,
that's what most people expect.
RIGHT?