2005

The end of the year.

What have I achieved this year?
With every year that passes,
It feels like I've achieved
less and less every year,
like if I was just cruising along.
it feels like every year passes even quicker.

Even cruising along feels so fast.
I am happy to concede that,
given how much of a disaster it has been
-the first worst year of my life.
The worst being the beginning till end.

So 2006 could bring me something better?
Ha! Not a chance.
I know that in this world,
in my life,
in this place,
I have to make my own luck.

I have to take the initiative
to do my own thing,
in my own way.

I have to be my cause,
my motive,
my force.
It is up to me.

Cheers to 2006.

=))

Last tears i shed.

I don't want to be hostile.
I don't want to be dismal.
But I don't want to rot in apathetic existence.
See, I want to believe you


And I wanted to trust you
And I want to have faith to put away the dagger.


But you lied and cheated;
You lied and cheated;
And you lied and cheated.


So long and goodnight.

famous last words

whats wrong with people these days?
just get normal jobs and
be satisfied with normal successes
and accomplishments,

no.

we've gotta hurl ourselves off
of twelve-hundred foot cliffs
to prove that we can do it.

So.
its dated today;
28th december 2005.

4 more days
to a brand new year.
Left the traces,
scars,
memories,
left behind.

2005.
A year of remembrance
I won't forget
for the rest of my lives.
The sorrows; happiness.
shared.

Moments unforgettable,

That day when mum got cancer,
That day when dad got terribly ill,
That day when financial becomes a problem,
That day when the whole family sobbed,

That day i cried for weeks non-stop,
That day i felt its gonna be the end soon,
That day i felt life aren't meaningful anymore,
That day the specialists confirmed mum got cancer
on the day i registered for my ITE admission,


That day when i sacrificed a lot,
That day i've been a burden to people,

That day i saw shooting stars,

That day someone changed my life,
That day someone brighten up my life,

That day someone being by my side

That day and till today,
I will always reminisce these sentiments.
And make this as a test for me and us, family
'sufferings bring sweet endings'
you said this happens,
it does for real.

I just wanna say this to you
Thanks once again,
for letting the rainbow shine on me
again.

2006.
a year.
where butterflies gonna
fill the empty cups of mine.

2005.
won't happen again.
I hoped.
and maybe for the rest of the years.


till i close this last chapter of the story...

-hayqal

Children.
The magic of innocence.

Innocence is like a bubble we are in,
once pricked by the needle of truth,
It's lost,
gone,
varnished.
There is no turning back.
Out we go into the real world.

Cruel facts.
Reality.
The harsh world.
We no longer feel safe.
We can never feel safe.
Not ever again.
Maybe only when it all;
comes to an end.

urs truly,
-hayqal.

Answers

answers arent out there.
so stop looking for them.
why do people feel the need to
constantly label and compartmentalize
everything that happens?
why do people always need concrete proof of everything?
whatever happened to faith?
i dont mean the reilious kind nessecarily, just faith in general.

when did that die?
when did people stop believing in that which you cannot see?
when did people start needing logical proof of everything in the universe?
since when are people unable to take
lifes events with a grain of salt and just deal with it?

why do people need to know where
we've been and where we're headed and why?
since when was it impossible to go a night
without talking to someone without that person telling you that your friendship is falling apart? what ever happened to trust?
and confidence?
did i miss something?

its been my belief that concrete answers arent out there.
and i can waste years and years looking
for these answers that dont exist,
and just end up with a head full of thought,
the frustration of not finding them,
and the wasted time spend looking for them.

so just STOP. and just...go with it.
just "be" and stop wondering why.
its futile. just "be" and be happy.
and even if i did find these concrete answers,
what am i gonna do with them?
learn?

pfft.

thats just a myth parents tell us when we're little.
nevermind.
just someone tell me why because its 100% beyond me.
like i said,
nevermind,
i dont know what i'm talking about.

"do you ever wish you could freeze a moment in your day,
look at it, and say 'this is not my life"

urs truly,
-hayqal.

ohkae.
im back at last
with desired words;
getting to be spared.

lots of things
happened recently

[latest updates]
-grandma found (cursed; sort of]
-parents condition improving
but somehow getting it back =X
-my modules are getting complicating
-i rebooted my com 4 times
after getting the new year virus; eerrghhh

-created this new skin,
-things shud get better now =)
-last of all;
those ppl who consoled me the other time
esp Karen,Taufan and Clarissa
thanks truckloads.

have to catch up some things now.
latersss.

urs truly,

hayqal

end of his stories

thank you peeps

for making the life journey going on

to my deepest thanks

to all;

i'll probably be back

next time with happy moments

if time allows

till we meet again..

tataaa.

So.

its been long since

me and my other buddies

got to meet up

when we are free

no schedule today

was Me,

Hadi,Faris and Mannan

met up at noon

and went to the gym

had our normal workouts

there is this exercise thing

i cant bring up the dam bicep

to pull it. si bei hard

Me and Hadi though it was easy

but then came there

super-paiseh

ha.

yea. we did almost all the stations

confirm tomorrow ah.

wake up.

aiyooooo.

here pain there pain.

see larh. never do warm up rite? =X

ate my favourite lo-ma-kai

whatever they spell it.

reminds me of my secondary school days

headed for a swim after that

was WOW.

NEVER GO SWIMMING ON SUNDAYS

its helluva lotsa of people.

like a group of army ants.

in the end,we went

for sun-tanning for about one hr

but uh-uh

it seems i didnt grow darker a bit also

coz the sph too high. lols

but grow darker a bit on the leg and alps part only

dived in the pool after the sweatiness

and the tanning feeling.

yucks.

rest at the ends of swomming pool.

just to cool down.

washed up

and ate again.

hmm.. it seems hadi started picking back the habit

of smoking again.

it just makes me wana start again.

just the menthol smell makes me urghhh..

*wonders*

ok nehmind cut out of it.

i've regretted.

cut out of it

next sunday all free again

poly students all holiday again

wahh so good sak.

planeed to jammed next sunday.

so hadi u better memorise

the lyrics to sing ah.

it was all perfect.

4 of us.

hee. =)

we talked about the old days,

the pastimes

the laughters.

haha.

perhaps we can organise a chalet

for the ex-smb sec students

that would be good

maybe next year feb-march

i wonder i have the holidays on that month

hope so.. =))

hmm.. headed hoem after that

after some licks on the ice cream we bought

get home changed

1 hr later

met up again

this time 4 of us

with Jy and Hanafi

played badminton

near my house there

was funnnn

with us shouting

the japanese versus the indons

lols

faris's hair is dam long,

so tied up his hair got ponytail behind.

haha.

changed shifts

for every 21 pts scored on one side

lucky i bought the guitar

if not boring after playing badminton.

played a few songs

den i went of readi

tompang my guitar at hanafi's hse.

so tmr i collect after school

lazy to bring home today.

ohkaes..

x))

and to all..

those who console me,

advising me,

being there for me

thank you.

my mum's condition has improved.

the tumor is gone already..

*grins*

its gone.its gone.its gone.

no more cancer.

END.

for 9 months of the pain

at last, it came to a great ending

sufferings bring sweet results at the end of the day

that's right.

i truly believe it now.

thank you all,

especially

Taufan,Clarissa,Hadi,Syl,Saiful

and Karen

and to other frends out there

Thank you so much

I appreciate it=))

Finally,

its the new beginning.

I don't want it to be worsen anymore.

this year,

I'll remember.

Hope next year,

it would be a better year =))