ended school early today

FINALLY.

no more exam for this module.

no more intro chem

if i pass lah.

finished the paper in time.

just only.

rest of my frends

went played street soccer

after that.

headed home

to change.

eh. thanks ah.

rmb wad i said?

hees x))

no need act readi. lols

latersssss

had prac in the morning

at 10 till 11.30

then quarantine till 1.30pm

got to know these 2 ppl

they were talking and chatting

non-stop

but nah.

i cocked up in prac

got NO TITRATION

alemak*

wasted my time only

memorised the mole concept

like crazy

in the end NVR come out

poor thing sak.

stupid testing for gases

and i overheated it

the acid SHOOSH

fly away like

the speed of bullet to the right

LUCKY nvr kena anyone

juz by a miss a bit.

traumatized*

aiyer

my grandma uh.

SO bad mood

talk and talk

nag and nag

scold and scold

complain and complain

even im thinking

i HOPE i will not be

a BIG TIME NAGGER

when i grow old. woots.

it realli sux to see that happening.

mmm.

this tuesday intro chem

final paper. =))

then 3 weeks of hols.

ive been planning what shud i do

i missed swimming

the tanning,

the shopping.

woots.

but do well for intro chem first. hees.

YA. guess wad?

today when i went to town

i saw this two girls

in SCHOOL UNIFORM

kissing each other,

hugging so tight

OMG. les-bo

-pukes-

disgusted sak.

last two days also same.

GAY.

two bangla

rubbing each other.

omgomgomg.

more and more ironic

relationships going on in ths world

kay; im out

zZz blacking out soon

x))

TAUFAN

what happened?

why convert?

erps.

to christian sak?

hmph.

tsk; tsk

just becos of a girl

huh?

NONONO;

u even went to church today

wtfwtfwtf

-_-

u made the WRONG decision man

we are gonna kill u.

it is

YA. it is.

bleahh.

so what rite?

it ain't any matter

anymore.

so, its just right.

maybe,

its just TOO useless

-punked-

it almost came to an end.

this shud be impossible

but; sumhow

it just turned out to be like dis

-lowers head-

erps.

dead tired.

woke up at 10am

dad was mugging me

to collect his new passport

after the pages have been filled up.

it was so stupid

went to ICA building ard 2pm

YAH. i noe it closes at 3pm

so; rushed off to there

indeed was just in time.

i said this.

i was collecting on my behalf of my dad

becos he's terribly sick

and cant walk.

and there it goes the receptionist

'SORRY,we need to see ur dad'

i was like wtf.

what do you expect?

he cant walk; weak; and in pain

'OH SORRY;

we still need to see ur dad'

kaox.

i was at there debating over this over

and; over

which took 40 mins talking

and explaining terms with tat

no brains lady

eerrgghhh.

whatever la.

i bring sumore documents nxt time

or not u to serve me

but another receptionist

wasted 1hr on these matter.

makes no sense at all

la. la. la. =))

went to beach road after that

saw chris and his gang.

neh. we all nvr changed much.

with all his crap jokes

going around. hehs.

beach road is nuthing.

bored to the max

headed to shaza boutique

at tanjong katong complex

which is my mum's shop. DUH.

it was HELL packed

with an army of humans

even i cant enter my mum' shop

then stand outside

wait till the crowd is lesser

asked my mum some money

to buy things.

with haqeel that time.

bought this shirt

juz the design is unique

$22.90

not bad.

even i poked out sum of my savings

to buy other stuffs.

nyeh

shop. shop. shop

till 5.30

headed home

was late by 10mins

when the fast break

this time was not so hungry

but nehmind.

later 4am will eat more. hehs. =))

to you, mum

pls hold on a little longer.

even though nuthing cud be done furher

even u dont wanna go

for chemo+radio theraphy;

wait for that miracle

dont say ure gona leave soon

think*

my baby brother;

the financial problems;

the family

all need you; mum

don't leave me...

i dont wanna see myself

that way;

i would wanna

feel better;

of all these thoughts

of sorrows

it cudnt be helped

anymore...

i would wished to turn back time

and;

realised what has happened now

coz this is all thoughout

that i will

lose everything;

as days come by..

sumtimes things just happen

at their own way

fucked it.

mum stopped going for treatments.

what the specialist said;

it has almost destroyed

the nasal part of the nose.

if the tumor would have covered

the whole nose;

i knew it would be the end.

i cudnt help myself at all.

juz go for the chemotheraphy

for our family's sake.

it WONT heal till the therapy is done.

maybe...

even till hari raya,

we wudnt get to celebrate.

really cant..

mum still can go to work

and being so sick

11am- 12.30 am

almost everyday.

haiz...

no more malay

no more buddhist

treatments animore.

its all helluva its NOTHING.

if only dad cud walk again

and normal again

mum cud go for treatment at kl.

sighs*

this matter wud juz keep brooding

over and over and over

again.

even now its reached more than

the 4th stage

there is juz nothing tat can be done.

its too late.

the tears,

the pain,

iv gone thru,

for nights

over and over

im praying

tat the miracle would happen

plz dun cry, mum

burps*

heavy dinner.

sort of; hehs

rice with dhal;

meat rendang;

tomato squid;

half-boiled eggs;

and finally;

rojak

hehs.

cant possibly be eating junk food.

woots.

for crying out loud,

somehow i must grow fatter

*erps.

school today was quite ohkae.

first thing in the morning

watched the movie

called anger management

though it was released

sumtime ago,

worth watching it.

the funny obstricate scenes.

hahs. ;p

was early today when reached home

released around 4 plus

so la~la~la

straight home. =))

bought 3 new reference books

for microbiology;

analytical chem;

and statistics

its helluva killing me man.

stuffed all the thick books

in my bag.

werps. cracking my bone

like a hunchback. lols

mmm.

exams coming.

*cheers*

i passed my intro chem mock paper

so-so unbelievable

studied for only 2 hrs

the day before it

and i managed it. hahs. x))

tmr there will be no school

my school won sum kind of shit award

so,one-day off.=))

maybe will be studying outside.

hehs.

wokae.

need sum mugging for exams

and.

tsk;tsk;tsk

designing my new blogskin

what theme shud it be?

hmmm.. will publish it

sumtime nxt week. hehs.

wokae.

latersss everyone =))

werps.

exams coming.

hmm..

lemme see.

science practical for olvls

[20 oct]

introductory chem teary exam

[end october]

introductory chem prac

[17 oct]

analytical chem phase test

[coming soon]

erps.

going nuts. =((

packed schedule

november still have olvls written papers

woots.

mmm.

break fast at bedok after school.

was a lousy service.

the food came so late.

then just munch it

reached home was bout 10plus.

worn out. tired. sleepy. hungry.

hehs.

ate again when reached home.

was always bloating; i guess

lols ;p

tats all for today

nuthing much

laterssss =))

hmm..

things shud be getting better now.

mum's going for treatments

again and again.

dad still cant walk

will feel dizzy after that.

all after all,

it must get better soon.

somehow,someway.

in school today.

major events that happened.

the inspiring talk from dr.william

woots. he break the guiness record.

10 marathons in 70 days

with a wheelchair.

it was like woots.

then da~da~da.

the talk about determination

and how to acheive ur goals.

bleah. hehs.

lab maths is out of the qn.

the teacher haiyo~

dunoe what to say.

p.e after that.

erps.

played street soccer.

was quite a good game after all.

and.

werps.

i broke sumone's specs.

piakkkkkk.

broke into half,

right side into pieces.

tink i wanna clear the ball,

kicked to hard.

hehs.

was guilty at first.

sorry.

but it was after all just a game.

break fast in the mrt

when reaching sembawang.

shoooosssshhh

rushed home in the speed of light.

lols. hehs.

but hey.

i gained 1 kg for this week.

for the sake of you

i have to gain 5kg by end of fasting month.

and i will, dun worry kay.

hahs.

woakes.

im off now to study

at mac.

latersssss =))

i..
i'll..
still..
miss..
you.

all the moments,
the joy,happiness ive had,
i'll still remember.

for whatever it is,
im always by ur side,
listening to u,
advising u,
comforting u..

the sorrows,
the tears i dropped for nights,
endless rain,embraces me.

im crying my share of tears,
calling to me inside of my heart
i'll always open my heart to you
and i'll still be there even when time resists.

the slashes,
the pain,
the hatred u had in the past,
i hope it will lessen
and fades slowly when time comes

take care.
-biggest huGgs-
one thing,
you are special to me.

i juz dunno wad is happening to me now.

it juz felt so different today.

yesterday cudnt get enough sleep

slept around 4am plus.

and i was crying and crying.

when i woke up,

tat feeling juz came back to me.

i knew i had to hid myself

from my family from being into this behaviour.

today, i felt so restless.

and speechless.

after riding the bus,

i juz cudnt control myself already.

the same thing happened.

when i see u today,

i told myself nuthing happened yesterday

tat i cud control myself from crying

i did control myself.

but it was just tat silence.

tat would make me think back.

i juz dunnooe i juz dunoeee.

i always would lie down on the bed.

and just burst out.

i still have feelings for u

i juz dun want this to be put in separate ways.

haiz..

it's all my fault.

haizz..

i juz dont know what to do

to help you.

all the past i knew it was really horrible.

it wont fade away?

maybe it takes some time.

all the hardship uve gone through,

all the pain, all the sorrows,

its hard to bear the fact that its come to this.

ill always be by ur side,

ive always wanted to say i love you

ive always wanted us to be together

its not the time yet for a relationship for you.

just promise me that u wont behave like the past.

just promise that pls.

take the past as the past.

even though its hard to fade away,

juz bear in mind,

i'll go thru the hardship with you.

i'll cry with you.

i know after all the counselling sessions,

after all the hurt u get,

i knew how u feel rite now.

i knew it really hurts.

and tat,

im willing to wait for you,

even when it's long.

i'll take care of you

for as long as we believe

pls take good care of urself kay.

i love you truly. <3

-biggest biggest hugGs-

*sobs*

Look into my eyes - you will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart - search your soul

And when you find me there

you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for

You know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you
Look into my heart - you will find

There's nothin' there to hide

Take me as I am - take my life

I would give it all - I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for

I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more

Ya know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you
There's no love - like your love

And no other - could give more love

There's nowhere - unless you're there

All the time - all the way
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more

I would fight for you - I'd lie for you

Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you