Its such a bare.

had 2 whole days

accompanying both my parents

when it come to this

its always me

that;

always sacrifices the most

for the family

right?

uh. uh.

now that i'm back.

its fine.

these 3 weeks of school holidays.

i have to make use of every.

day.

coz i won't be having

any december holidays

like those kids in priamry

and seconday school had.

lols.

school starting in 21st nov

22nd nov having last paer for O's

and i seriously say

i ain't gona make it again

felt like leaving the room

halfway thru the papers.

hmm.

my schedule.

17th nov.

-the new harry potter episode

which i got lots of free tickets

which some are being booked by some

desperados. -_-"

which would be at noon

and evening

will be having dinner

with my whole class

with lecturer also.

hope i can make it on time at 6pm

after the movie ends

and tomorrow

will be a big day

since i cant make it for jalan raya

with my schoolmates

so going with my ex sec schoolmates

will be kaox

confirm more than 20 ppl

then go every hse

confirm the parents bankrupt.

LOL.

but ha.

my house cannot go.

no one. =)

now that my 2nd finger

has been tored

the 2st skin layer tored

+ numb + pain

wah kao~~.

see lar.

use metal strings summore

zZz.

i managed to play the song

'thank you mum'; full

it was helluva hell.

i think playing bass is better

i hate using picks

confirm i strum wrong string

even though i got the tabs rite

so better use finger.

ha.

ohkaes..

im bored now.

my frends went to hong kong

for vacation

so guess maybe nxt week then

can join them for a swim

maybe everyday

+tanning.

OH ya.

i can't find the bag tat

im looking for at bugis.

been searching for 2 hrs plus

till wasted my time

i saw alif and his gang

wit hthe big masters. LOL.

big-sized bodies.

and its great jamming at his hse

full set of equipment

with 1 bass.

2 electric.

1 drum

and a classical one.

better than going all the way

to yishun near mac drive thru

and full.

crap. lots of ppl.

though the equipment there are good

and quite reasonable price

but heh.

nehmind. =/

kayyyyyy.

ive said once.

ive been hurt once.

now its the second time.

and its the same

that happened in the past.

what would i say now

i think.

its just maybe.

all the times, the past.

how i wished it could carry on.

first of all

finished all my english papers.

finished all science theory papers.

left sci paper 3 on the 22th nov.

i met Mathan,

Iqbal,

Sabri.

All of them taking private O's too

did not knew about that.

we talked for a while after the papers

they were asking me out

some other day.

i'll see about that.

soon after that

the other two went to smoke

and Sabri was going after a girl

trying to get her number

yesterday the other girl rejected him. LOL.

coz had a bf already.

now another one. zZz.

no shame =/

i went to hougang after the whole event

to A.S.A

my dad's workplace

which he had been retrenched last few weeks

i was there

to collect my dad's pay cheque

on his behalf of his son,

which is me of course.

I met the big BOSS.

6th floor

HSR department.

i asked the people around

the place was dam huge

and complicated.

it was like a maze though

i signed the papers

whatever the documents lar.

he asked me so many qns

regarding about my dad

my dad's sickness etc.

it was a good one-to-one talking

hee.

i checked out of the building 1hr later

after the cheque is given out.

i didnt know that my dad earned that lot

every month. woots.

now, aiya. retrenched =/

fred called me up 20 mins

after ive boarded the 854 bus

to yishun.

planned to go jammin'

but little people

only Me, Fred and Khai

no one plays the rhythm

which we really need it

but it all screwed up just fine.

played reminissions

thanks for nothing

gsf

stand by me(LOL)

and second heartbeat

2 hrs of exhaustion

both my 2nd and 3rd

fingers gona tear soon.

erps.

my..my..

bad red aching sore throat

coming up.

just because of second heartbeat song.

it pains the throat.

i had my dinner after that

and home sweet home.

tmr will be leaving

accompanying both my parents for their treatments

which may take the WHOLE day

3 houses,

means 3 stages of treatment

sighs*

okaes.. latersss

so

heal these wounds

as these greatest

glory i may had

i tried

i had

it ends no essential

come back

wooh

finally =)))

got my specs made.

this time not plain

like the last white specs i made

which i DID NOT wear

coz

will attract attention.

lols. =X

maybe yesterday is the last day

for jalan raya

busy man

o lvls coming

parents' treatments coming

other stuffs to be done

OH YA.

i was interviewed by this OSIM thingy

their products etc.

and got this lady

wearing the vibration thingy all over the body.

lols.

and it was sumkind

like losing weight product

hurhs - hurhs*

sum people may think

bout another mindset.

erps.

ohkaes.

my dad won

sum free movie tickets

to the new episode

of harry potter

forgot the title.

on the 17th nov

still got 3 more free tickets.

who wana come?

or who want the tickets.

1st come 1st serve.

hahs. =))

kays. latersss

ohkae.

first of all.

im having a 38.4 degree celcius

high fever;

accompanied with

killing coughs;

murdering running nose.

just because did not have enough rest.

last week;

went to indonesia

for my mum's treatment

it was hell there.

not my typical type of place

but. yeah. just go.

3 days 2 nights stayed at there.

i was like

lie down on the bed for 3 days

without walking

moving

lie and eat.

it sucks.

ya. den took the ferry home

the next day slept at my mum's boutique

till 5pm on the 1st day of hari raya itself

was dam3 tired

no relaxation

no bed;

i slept beside MANIQ's shop

got bench there

just imagine

it was dam creepy

the ONLY shop tat is opened

at TKC.

woots.

OH YA.

i appeared on tv LIFE.

woots.

at geylang bazaar.

ahacks.

WAS pretending

buying necklaces those acces. lols.

was clear man.

was with me ;my 2nd bro

with 2 other aunts.

hehs.

famous for a while lol.

once appeared on tv life;

smses came

calls came.

lols.

kay, hayqal

dun be so proud okay.

=X

hees.

mmm today

was a -not-so-good-day-

went out for hari raya

with another family

so sad.

my dad cant go

coz not stable yet

my mum tc of my dad.

so...

it just feel so diferentttt.

and while dat

having a BAD flu sumore

it was terrible...

suffered for 9 hrs.

to back home to eat my medicine.

ohkae.

now if my frends wana make a band;

shud we name it

' a farewell cadence'

or

' twisted whispers'

erps

now on the 10th of nov

maybe i cant make it for jalan raya.

maybe going overseas for my dad's treatment

hope so postponed or sumthing

sighs*

mmm.

wad song wud be nice?

we are planning to play sumwhere in fullerton

but uh. common

maybe longest line by NOFX.

lols.

kay3.

will discuss nxt time

as long i got the chords right

hahs.

laterssss

bahhh

my brother's got the guitar back.

probably 'taking' it

coz his friend also dun care at all.

ha. =P

and its been the whole night

me.

practising it.

its been 1001 years

since i last played a full song.

woots.

had this guita program downloaded

but a trial verison

sighs*

cant find the crack

to sumhow hacked it

to make it more days

or of course last forever la

it seems it doesnt work sak.

nehmind. nehmind.

i'll find a way sumhow.

hee.

mmm.

last 3 days was out overseas

not malaysia.

but i just cudnt mention it.

coz probably it just got

sumthing to do with it.

had lots of crap

doing there

boredom to the max.

see my mum undergo the treatments

were like killing me.

erps.

tmr is the BIG day

but ain't for me.

it just means nuthing at all.

it seems my family arent united back.

so...

u probably noe la.

ohkaess.

ive gtg now

lots of things to be done

cut my hair at yck;

buying the pathetic pants at cine;

making new specs probably today

maybe a white color one again. hee;

YA.anyway;

my mum's shop

had a terrible war yesterday

just becos their

baju kurungs; kebaya

not ready yet

and cant be completed in time

so there it goes

the shouting;

the cursing;

aiya;

these people

no sense at all.

ergh

latersss

ended school early today

FINALLY.

no more exam for this module.

no more intro chem

if i pass lah.

finished the paper in time.

just only.

rest of my frends

went played street soccer

after that.

headed home

to change.

eh. thanks ah.

rmb wad i said?

hees x))

no need act readi. lols

latersssss

had prac in the morning

at 10 till 11.30

then quarantine till 1.30pm

got to know these 2 ppl

they were talking and chatting

non-stop

but nah.

i cocked up in prac

got NO TITRATION

alemak*

wasted my time only

memorised the mole concept

like crazy

in the end NVR come out

poor thing sak.

stupid testing for gases

and i overheated it

the acid SHOOSH

fly away like

the speed of bullet to the right

LUCKY nvr kena anyone

juz by a miss a bit.

traumatized*

aiyer

my grandma uh.

SO bad mood

talk and talk

nag and nag

scold and scold

complain and complain

even im thinking

i HOPE i will not be

a BIG TIME NAGGER

when i grow old. woots.

it realli sux to see that happening.

mmm.

this tuesday intro chem

final paper. =))

then 3 weeks of hols.

ive been planning what shud i do

i missed swimming

the tanning,

the shopping.

woots.

but do well for intro chem first. hees.

YA. guess wad?

today when i went to town

i saw this two girls

in SCHOOL UNIFORM

kissing each other,

hugging so tight

OMG. les-bo

-pukes-

disgusted sak.

last two days also same.

GAY.

two bangla

rubbing each other.

omgomgomg.

more and more ironic

relationships going on in ths world

kay; im out

zZz blacking out soon

x))

TAUFAN

what happened?

why convert?

erps.

to christian sak?

hmph.

tsk; tsk

just becos of a girl

huh?

NONONO;

u even went to church today

wtfwtfwtf

-_-

u made the WRONG decision man

we are gonna kill u.

it is

YA. it is.

bleahh.

so what rite?

it ain't any matter

anymore.

so, its just right.

maybe,

its just TOO useless

-punked-

it almost came to an end.

this shud be impossible

but; sumhow

it just turned out to be like dis

-lowers head-

erps.

dead tired.

woke up at 10am

dad was mugging me

to collect his new passport

after the pages have been filled up.

it was so stupid

went to ICA building ard 2pm

YAH. i noe it closes at 3pm

so; rushed off to there

indeed was just in time.

i said this.

i was collecting on my behalf of my dad

becos he's terribly sick

and cant walk.

and there it goes the receptionist

'SORRY,we need to see ur dad'

i was like wtf.

what do you expect?

he cant walk; weak; and in pain

'OH SORRY;

we still need to see ur dad'

kaox.

i was at there debating over this over

and; over

which took 40 mins talking

and explaining terms with tat

no brains lady

eerrgghhh.

whatever la.

i bring sumore documents nxt time

or not u to serve me

but another receptionist

wasted 1hr on these matter.

makes no sense at all

la. la. la. =))

went to beach road after that

saw chris and his gang.

neh. we all nvr changed much.

with all his crap jokes

going around. hehs.

beach road is nuthing.

bored to the max

headed to shaza boutique

at tanjong katong complex

which is my mum's shop. DUH.

it was HELL packed

with an army of humans

even i cant enter my mum' shop

then stand outside

wait till the crowd is lesser

asked my mum some money

to buy things.

with haqeel that time.

bought this shirt

juz the design is unique

$22.90

not bad.

even i poked out sum of my savings

to buy other stuffs.

nyeh

shop. shop. shop

till 5.30

headed home

was late by 10mins

when the fast break

this time was not so hungry

but nehmind.

later 4am will eat more. hehs. =))

to you, mum

pls hold on a little longer.

even though nuthing cud be done furher

even u dont wanna go

for chemo+radio theraphy;

wait for that miracle

dont say ure gona leave soon

think*

my baby brother;

the financial problems;

the family

all need you; mum

don't leave me...

i dont wanna see myself

that way;

i would wanna

feel better;

of all these thoughts

of sorrows

it cudnt be helped

anymore...

i would wished to turn back time

and;

realised what has happened now

coz this is all thoughout

that i will

lose everything;

as days come by..

sumtimes things just happen

at their own way

fucked it.

mum stopped going for treatments.

what the specialist said;

it has almost destroyed

the nasal part of the nose.

if the tumor would have covered

the whole nose;

i knew it would be the end.

i cudnt help myself at all.

juz go for the chemotheraphy

for our family's sake.

it WONT heal till the therapy is done.

maybe...

even till hari raya,

we wudnt get to celebrate.

really cant..

mum still can go to work

and being so sick

11am- 12.30 am

almost everyday.

haiz...

no more malay

no more buddhist

treatments animore.

its all helluva its NOTHING.

if only dad cud walk again

and normal again

mum cud go for treatment at kl.

sighs*

this matter wud juz keep brooding

over and over and over

again.

even now its reached more than

the 4th stage

there is juz nothing tat can be done.

its too late.

the tears,

the pain,

iv gone thru,

for nights

over and over

im praying

tat the miracle would happen

plz dun cry, mum

burps*

heavy dinner.

sort of; hehs

rice with dhal;

meat rendang;

tomato squid;

half-boiled eggs;

and finally;

rojak

hehs.

cant possibly be eating junk food.

woots.

for crying out loud,

somehow i must grow fatter

*erps.

school today was quite ohkae.

first thing in the morning

watched the movie

called anger management

though it was released

sumtime ago,

worth watching it.

the funny obstricate scenes.

hahs. ;p

was early today when reached home

released around 4 plus

so la~la~la

straight home. =))

bought 3 new reference books

for microbiology;

analytical chem;

and statistics

its helluva killing me man.

stuffed all the thick books

in my bag.

werps. cracking my bone

like a hunchback. lols

mmm.

exams coming.

*cheers*

i passed my intro chem mock paper

so-so unbelievable

studied for only 2 hrs

the day before it

and i managed it. hahs. x))

tmr there will be no school

my school won sum kind of shit award

so,one-day off.=))

maybe will be studying outside.

hehs.

wokae.

need sum mugging for exams

and.

tsk;tsk;tsk

designing my new blogskin

what theme shud it be?

hmmm.. will publish it

sumtime nxt week. hehs.

wokae.

latersss everyone =))

werps.

exams coming.

hmm..

lemme see.

science practical for olvls

[20 oct]

introductory chem teary exam

[end october]

introductory chem prac

[17 oct]

analytical chem phase test

[coming soon]

erps.

going nuts. =((

packed schedule

november still have olvls written papers

woots.

mmm.

break fast at bedok after school.

was a lousy service.

the food came so late.

then just munch it

reached home was bout 10plus.

worn out. tired. sleepy. hungry.

hehs.

ate again when reached home.

was always bloating; i guess

lols ;p

tats all for today

nuthing much

laterssss =))

hmm..

things shud be getting better now.

mum's going for treatments

again and again.

dad still cant walk

will feel dizzy after that.

all after all,

it must get better soon.

somehow,someway.

in school today.

major events that happened.

the inspiring talk from dr.william

woots. he break the guiness record.

10 marathons in 70 days

with a wheelchair.

it was like woots.

then da~da~da.

the talk about determination

and how to acheive ur goals.

bleah. hehs.

lab maths is out of the qn.

the teacher haiyo~

dunoe what to say.

p.e after that.

erps.

played street soccer.

was quite a good game after all.

and.

werps.

i broke sumone's specs.

piakkkkkk.

broke into half,

right side into pieces.

tink i wanna clear the ball,

kicked to hard.

hehs.

was guilty at first.

sorry.

but it was after all just a game.

break fast in the mrt

when reaching sembawang.

shoooosssshhh

rushed home in the speed of light.

lols. hehs.

but hey.

i gained 1 kg for this week.

for the sake of you

i have to gain 5kg by end of fasting month.

and i will, dun worry kay.

hahs.

woakes.

im off now to study

at mac.

latersssss =))

i..
i'll..
still..
miss..
you.

all the moments,
the joy,happiness ive had,
i'll still remember.

for whatever it is,
im always by ur side,
listening to u,
advising u,
comforting u..

the sorrows,
the tears i dropped for nights,
endless rain,embraces me.

im crying my share of tears,
calling to me inside of my heart
i'll always open my heart to you
and i'll still be there even when time resists.

the slashes,
the pain,
the hatred u had in the past,
i hope it will lessen
and fades slowly when time comes

take care.
-biggest huGgs-
one thing,
you are special to me.

i juz dunno wad is happening to me now.

it juz felt so different today.

yesterday cudnt get enough sleep

slept around 4am plus.

and i was crying and crying.

when i woke up,

tat feeling juz came back to me.

i knew i had to hid myself

from my family from being into this behaviour.

today, i felt so restless.

and speechless.

after riding the bus,

i juz cudnt control myself already.

the same thing happened.

when i see u today,

i told myself nuthing happened yesterday

tat i cud control myself from crying

i did control myself.

but it was just tat silence.

tat would make me think back.

i juz dunnooe i juz dunoeee.

i always would lie down on the bed.

and just burst out.

i still have feelings for u

i juz dun want this to be put in separate ways.

haiz..

it's all my fault.

haizz..

i juz dont know what to do

to help you.

all the past i knew it was really horrible.

it wont fade away?

maybe it takes some time.

all the hardship uve gone through,

all the pain, all the sorrows,

its hard to bear the fact that its come to this.

ill always be by ur side,

ive always wanted to say i love you

ive always wanted us to be together

its not the time yet for a relationship for you.

just promise me that u wont behave like the past.

just promise that pls.

take the past as the past.

even though its hard to fade away,

juz bear in mind,

i'll go thru the hardship with you.

i'll cry with you.

i know after all the counselling sessions,

after all the hurt u get,

i knew how u feel rite now.

i knew it really hurts.

and tat,

im willing to wait for you,

even when it's long.

i'll take care of you

for as long as we believe

pls take good care of urself kay.

i love you truly. <3

-biggest biggest hugGs-

*sobs*

Look into my eyes - you will see

What you mean to me

Search your heart - search your soul

And when you find me there

you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for

You know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you
Look into my heart - you will find

There's nothin' there to hide

Take me as I am - take my life

I would give it all - I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for

I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more

Ya know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you
There's no love - like your love

And no other - could give more love

There's nowhere - unless you're there

All the time - all the way
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for

I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more

I would fight for you - I'd lie for you

Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true

Everything I do - I do it for you