school's short today.
changed after reached home.

cut my hair.
and went swimming.

swimming gives u broad shoulders.
lols. =)

home after that.

whole day with the guitar,
playing new songs.

now, i don;t know what computers
meant to me anymore.

its just getting me bored.
i want my 'LAJI' program!!
arrhhggh.
=X

I can't help myself
to be felt like this again.

I'm starting to lose confidence
if i were to start all over again.

to devote,
to commit,
all back from the beginning.

I'm tired,
I'm worn out.

I don't know how much time
i have to wait again,
for me to realise again.

for that miracle
i do hope so...

my phone price have dropped drastically
if i would to sell,
it would be $ 160 minimum.
max i saw is $250.

that if it is in ultra super good condition.
mine,
scratches here and there.

my maid buying my phone soon.
for $200.

i don't know what phone im gonna buy
after that.

stick with nokia?
maybe N70?
or maybe the new recent samsung?

sick today.
terrible flu.
fever in and out,
means a while have fever,
a while no fever.

the coughs terrible.
cudn't go to doctor to take mc.
mum says this few months shop less business.

so i would just treat it as im absent.

whole day im on the bed.
feels so weak.
at least on the bed,
i learnt a few songs.
asked my brother to print the chords out.

i'm so happy i can play qing fei de yi
by harlem yu.
8 chords.
i almost got the chinese lyrics sorted out.
soon.

my fingers also dunoe why.
it teared off again.
to third layer,
so painful.

now i have 2 guitars at home,
its just nice.
coz when playing a song,
the other guitar can play as the rhythm
or the bass.

especially the song
'on nadya'.
nice.

kayyys.
im very hungry now.
and tired+weak now.

laterssss.

tired;
terrible sore throat.
everytime i swallow my own saliva,
ouchie-wouchies.

jammed after school today.
at ket's house.
at least saved money by
not going to jamming centers.

ket's house is dam bloody big.
and the jamming room is the size
of a normal living room.

3 hrs non-stop.
with my left fingers teared off.
that's why i got the dang sore throat.
its better now,
after rushing to buy the throat syrup.

i guess i have to make everyday a day,
fully filled up,
and not wasting time.
in order not to think about mum's case,
again and again.

staying at home alone,
shudnt be no more.

hmm.
the gym's workout last two days,
is still unbearable.
the cramps, aches,
on my stomache,chest and arms.

oh ya,
tmr will be the posting results.
if im gonna get to s'pore poly,
maybe i will have to go to there.
if i'm gonna get in temasek poly,
maybe i will continue in ite.

kayyssss,
tats all for today.



i think you've made that decision
maybe i should give up for now;
and break the promise in between.
will be missing you...

I swear he will die a terrible death.
I swear he will get cursed.

I wonder how much he's gonna suffer.
The price you have to pay for us,
for making situations in my family hard.

You see urself.
Your face had become fucking black.
Just because of the
outrageous bad deeds u have done.

Become blacker
Releasing back all those hardship to you back.

You think aiming my mum is a benefit rite?
You think making the boutique's business down good rite?
Wad for all these?
Wad's the outcome?
HELL you go.

Go and die larh.
I don't want to see your face anymore.
And make sure you go to hell.
Stupid old,fagged, old man.

Oh ya,
he's a bapuk btw.

The past keeps rekindling on me
again.
The same thing happened last time,
back from the start
back like april 2005.

Though time recovers as days pass by,
Trying to close the last wounds
The feeling of reminiscing back to that state
unbearable again.

How i wished to talk to you again,
How i wished i could share the problems
with you again,
like we used to do last time.

I don't want to disturb of what ure doing now
You're schooling, and having major exams this year.

Even with silence throughout the months,
Maybe its just for own good.

Maybe i've got to keep to myself,
this time.

Things have to be done fast,
the tianxian treatments coming up,
hope if it works.

Even if going to radiation process,
i won't even let.
Its gonna be painful consequences.

Hoping that this medicine would work,
from this website.
http://www.tianxian.com

seeing the testimonials,
really made me feel better.
BUT.

it costs 600~800++ US dollars.
and its for real.
omg so ex.

dad's still doing the surveying
in case this is fake.

i've really thought that everything is over,
making this year a new resolution.
and it will be over soon.
soon.

fuck off of ur stupid doings,
stupid whereabouts.
to and fro.

what's the benefit of killing people,
without being caught?
and becoming proud.

nothing,
no upright-ness.

the only thing i'm waiting,
for all these to be over..

and not,
coming back.

I saw mum struggling again
in trying to shrunk back the tumor.

but failed this time.
the person who treats mum
have left,
and gone missing in batam.

it was ohkae the other day,
all the cancer cells have fade off
but, this time
that fucking man keeps on trying
on my mum using his stupid,
some kind of thailand black magic,
making the family suffer too much.

i've thought its all over already,
dad had recovered last month.
after the treatment.

now's my mum's turn again.
few more weeks,
its gonna start to spread
to my mum's brain.
making more fatal.


i don't know why
he must be jealous of us.
jealous of my mum's boutique,
making us lose business.

i sucked,
im stupid.
i did nothing to help.

"...doctor said radiation would be the most
method but survival rate would be 15% only
with the age...."

what about the disastrous side effects?..

sighhsss.

Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand;
into the waves

Walk me across the water
And maybe you'll understand

Once the stone
You're crawling under
Is lifted off your shoulders

Once the cloud that's raining
Over your head disappears

The noise that you'll hear
Is the crashing down of hollow years

Of silence..

went swimming today
after school.

but a while.
jammed after that.

learned
mimpi yang sempurna by peterpan,
bintang di surga

also
wounds by good charlotte

recorded them'
kekek.
hahas.

For all this time I have tried
to find something else.

I tried my hardest, honestly.
I tried all I could.

But I couldn't find anything else.
I am in the same place as that where I left you.

It's always like in that dream.
Some close to getting everything,
yet so far,

away where it had left behind..

I did the encryption,

got that arse-hole's stats.

IP Address 222.165.72.211

Country Singapore

Region Singapore, North Zone

City Singapore

ISP: Starhub Cable Vision Ltd

Returning Visits 1

Visit Length 5 mins 34 secs

VISITOR SYSTEM SPECS

Browser MSIE 6.0 [internet explorer]

Operating System Windows XP

Resolution 1024x768

Javascript Enabled

19th February 2006 12:15:27 PM

19th February 2006 12:17:14 PM

19th February 2006 12:20:51 PM

19th February 2006 12:21:01 PM


that dam arse-hole.
like i care like that.
zZzzZzZz.

dead tired.

after creating the skin
which Taufan wanted.

very uber-scary theme.
using my photo-shop skills.

phew~

its almost done.
i took like one WHOLE day.

did some at his hse
and he came over my hse
to download the photo-shop brushes.

my brain gonna explode.


making me more addicted
to create blogskins.
3 blogskins done in a row this 2 weeks.
my, my.
-_-"

just in time
i remembered about JAE

i applied at 5.18pm
luckkyy sak.

it's supposed to close at 4pm.

so 5 mins after i applied,
went back to the website.

it says.
'Sry, Jae application has closed down"

phewww~~

i wished i could see the stars
with you again.

i wished we could go
to clarke quay again.
to reminisce that day again.

i wished i did not make
that regretabble decision.

i wished i could reverse
back the time.

i wished i could sing
to you again.

i wished i could go on
thru' the good and bad times
with you again.

thanks truckloads,
for being by my side.

to you,
happy valentines day.

bloghoppers,
are idiots rite?
aiyar. bai chi larh. -_-"

they come to ppl's blog.
and said hi and take care.

and asked the person
to link the bloghopper.

like as if the person knows
the bloghopper.

and when the person goes to the
bloghopper's site,
the bloghopper got around
tons and tons of frends

so i guess.
all by bloghopping.

and so,
thus this happens to me.
-_-"

like as if i want to link that
bloghopper.

what's the use.
no point.

Months, dissolving away in front of my eyes.
Dissolving so easily I have no way to grasp it
in my hands to make any use of it.

Feels like so long ago,
yet like if it was yesterday.

If my memory of you
has an expiration date,
let it be 10,000 years.

where should i go now?
where?

though the results
are still the same,
im still un-satisfied.

i should have studied
for my private O's.

wasted my money.
$300++ for 2 subjects only.

IF i were to get that IT course,
i will have to start back afresh
to a new leaf.
new life to adapt too.

one more thing,
i just can't leave ITE just like that.
given the best-est class/classmates ever.

hmm..
even mum and dad
had no comments.

nehmind.
about yesterday.
had to go back to ex-school.
me and hidah set up a booth
at sembawang secondary.

omg.
just flyers ONLY.
hmph.
you see junior college booth,
poly booths.

all with decorated,
nice posters,
articles everywhere.

mine?
plain.
lucky i had my pulau semakau leaflet,
had my student handbook.
and the JAE booklet
and lucky hidah brought
the microbio textbook.

at least something on the table.
then just small,tiny-winy flyers.
at least looked better.

ppl asking about enquiries
about other courses lahh.
not about biochem tech course.
out of 200
left 187.
gave out only 13.
pathethic.

students asked about night classes
part time courses.
aiyerrrr.

its fun to see the atmosphere
of students taking results.
some tooo happy, cried
some depressed, cried.

hehs.
lucky my brother qualified to poly.
phew~

kkkkkkkkkkk,
latersss.

got my damn results.
still same.
like last year pts.

and this time,
i am offered 8 courses in poly.
unlike last yr only 1 course
all under IT courses.

wanted to go to
cyber digital and security
or games design & development.

maybe i will get
maybe not.

but,
thinking back,
what about my biochem tech course?
one year past.

sighsss.
confusedddd.