oh my gosh!

my neighbour ordered for the the three of us pizza

i was starving.really starving.

lucky my neighbour knew about it.

I have not not been eating dinner.

Recently skipping meals,

juz because parents not at home

dad and mum went for treatments

they will be back maybe in 3 more weeks time

left me and my other 2 brothers alone.

Thoughi have a maid,

but the maid slept at my aunt's place.

To take care of my dad and mum

oh no.

the laundry.

the housekeeping.

the ironing of the clothes.

SHIT.

no one to wake me up to go to skool

even though i set the alarm,

i wont wake up.

its as though i dead sleeping.

when the alarm sounds,

there it goes again.

reached out for the clock.

pressed the snooze button.

OMG.waking up at 5am mondays to fridays.

so far,my dad's condition improving.

Was a quite 'OK' situation.

My mum.My mum.My mum.

When will the cancer be recovering?

Its been 5 months!

Now that it have reached stage 4.

Is it too late?

Will it recover?

Is it that now its too late for the chemotheraphy and radiography?

* fingers crossed*

now that i knew

how tough life is

And i have to go through all these

Though seeing both my parents sick,

I have to harden my heart

What my uncle said to me that day,

Thank you so much.

My uncle is e' one hwo helped my family the most

He introduced the buddhist treatment to us.

Or not;

If not for him,both my parents would be no more here anymore.

sighs*

FATE;FATE;FATE

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN

AND THAT,LIFE HAS TO GO ON

[[remember the past;

treasure the present;

embrace the future]]

winKs* (",)

hiDE museUm mUSt nOT cLosE dowN!!

OMG.

25th sepTembeR 2005.

tHE petition iS stiLL oN.

http://www.petitiononline.com/gt347981/

so far dated 17,704 siGnatuREs

sigh*

hmm..it was quite sad after all

hide's museum is closing down on the 25th of september

sigh*

its just the precious moments he had gone thru

since hide has passed away..

lets just pray he rest in peace

But,the petition would still be on

so far 17,704 signatures dated

sigh*..><

I just cant imagine how X Japan has gone thru so much

Their songs are just memorable.

hMMm..iM bAck!!

eUhooHoUUXx

wooTX...

jUZ repaiRed my dAm stuPId comPutEr..

evErytime the comp crAsHEs

tHE hardiSK faiLure and moDem spoiLt

and i payEd a dAM higH priCe for em'

haRdisk plUS installatioN - $120

mODem - $95

cRaZee..i uSed up alL my savIngs on dAt

mUm wAs naggiNG aT mE

totAl 200+ wasTEd liKE dAt

nOW banK leFt $4 pLUs..pathETiC..

waNA start mY woRk..bUT..

my mUM saID to tAKe carEx of mY dad 1St

anOther thiNg my otHEr 4 frEnds who went For tHE trainiNG

dID not waNt to woRk cOZ they sAy very troubLesoME

i miSSed my dAm compuTEr

hmm..itS beeN liKE 1 monTh pLus

diD not touCh the comPuter

dEn at hoME..can bEcomE crazEE

do noThiNG..LOLX..

jUZ beeN thinkINg..

doiNg nuthiNG at hoME whEN takiNG careX of mY dAd

jUZ makEs mE thinK baCk thOSe tiMEs

im jUZ missINg u sumhOW

liFe nOW is jUZ compLetE siLEnCe

hAIXx..thINkING*

so fAR..my daD's conditIon is improVing sLOwlY..

bUT hE loST 25kg !!!!! instantlY

reallY piTY..noW quite thin readIXx..

nO appEtitE..harD to walK all theSe

as fOR mY mUm...

tHE cancEr has reacHEd the enD stagE..

staGE 4..gonA spreAd to the eyeS sOOn

tHE tumOR haVE enLArgEd..tiLL tHE nose swoLLEn

thE doCs sAy chemothEraphy and radiOgraphY wud be gooD

buT my muM wont go for eM'

haIX..only havE to relY on traditioNAL chinEse anD malaY methODs

bUT the chinEse mEthOD is oUR onLY hoPE

dUn nOE LArhX..tHE persON uSed baTin to cuRe my dAd's sicknEss

mY dad'S sickNEss is nOT normaL anywAy

tAT eviL perSon uSed sUm kiNd oF black mAgiC on mY dAd

itS terribLE..reaLLy..

thOUgh u aLL dun beliEve thIS..then nVm..bUT its trUe

afTEr whAT the mAn tolD me aND my mUm

HE sAid tAt my dAd wouLD diE sooN if nO treatmEnts are doNE

so onLY hoPE usiNG tHE buddhISt methOD..

hopE everythINg wyD be noRmaL sooN

*fingErs cRossEd*

jUZ hopiNG tAt aLL theSe wuD be ovERcomEd sooN..

anD onCe foR aLL..hoPE to ceLebrATe afTEr both my parEntS have recovEreD

anD hari raYA tOOS..

oKIEs..wiLL blOg agAIn maYBe toniTE..

latErssss..

lAst bUt nOT leaSt

fOR aLL thOSe ppL whO tagGEd..

thANks and takE careX

a tribUte to thoSe ppL whO carED fOR..

teARs bY x-jaPAn..

i fOund myseLf toDAy..

a vOice of reaSon i fORgot i hAd..

so, i woNt giVE up..

nO..i woNt brEAk doWn..

sooNEr thaT it seEms thaT liFe tURns aroUnd..

aND i wiLL be sTrong..

eVEn iF iT aLL goEs wRong..

it dOEsnT matTEr whA ppL sAys..

aND it doeSnt matTEr hOW loNg it taKEs..

it onLy matTErs hOW i taKE on mYseLF~~<3

========================

aND yeA..i almOSt forgOt

happY 40Th singApoRe birtHdAy!

aiyOX..im bORed of bLoGGing

aND for aLL thOSe lasT feW posTS i wroTE

are jUZ abT my feeLIngs..dATs aLL~

cOZ feelIng reALLY dOWn fOr the pAst fEW dAYs..

bUt nOW afTEr my clOSed oNEs tolD me all thosE thinGy

i jUZ feLT beTTEr..tHAnkX

finalLY..i woNT leT emOTions taKE mE~

foR whAt dAT haVE bEen doNE..

can be turnEd baCk..

iTS God's wiLL to maKE iT thIS wAy.

hMm..dIn weNT to skOOL todAy

insTEad weNt joggIng wiTH my othEr 2 bUDs

phEw~..reaLLy "PANCIT'

tiRed liAO...

wasHEd up afTEr dat dEN meeT up agaIn

wEnt to buONA visTA todAy

weNT to mOE builDing

takE my entrY proOF coz i loSt IT..

dAt wAs mE wiTh mY cuZin aND rosYth

bUT be4 i weNT to thE hospitAL,

playEd pOOL foR a whiLE

wooTX..nvR playEd fOR so loNg Le..

buT i diD manaGE quiTE ok larHX..

all theIR remarkS was likE ' tyco lar! '

ahaCKx..LoLX..bUt serioUSLy i tooK the effORt siaLX

coz nVR playEd siNCe laSt twO monTHs..i tInk*

nOvenA squAre hAs nuthiNg

reaLLy plaIn..bORed

a hR laTEr weNT BK eAt eAt eAt...aiyO

evEn thoUGh if i eAT a bIt..stiLL sAME

eaT a lOt..wiLL NVR gRow fAt.arggHHx

i wAna grOW weigHT..buT hOW?!? hhhhh

hMM..tiME jUZ goEs bY so fAst..

anD itS goNA be the enD of thiS yr sOOn..

fOR nOW..hopIng dAt everythIng wuD be alriTEx

and fOR dAd..u wiLL recoVEr sOOn kX..

liFe jUZ have to gO on anywAy..

we jUZ cudnt Know whAt may haPPen tmR..

oR as the daYS dAt are pAssiNG by..

leTting emOtioNS taKE mE iS useLeSs

and fOR whAtevEr i maYBe thiNKing..

hEre i aM groWn uP at 17,

hAVe to thINk to take carEx of my parEntS

whaT ya' toLD me iS ritEx..

i jUZ cudnT possIbly bE muggIng aND thinkINg all theSe whiLE

maYbe faTE haS madE me inTo thiS situaTioN..

haiXx..

my dAd's juZ beeN discharGEd from the hosPitaL..

his cOnditioN now..critiCaL

the doctoRS are fuckINg' stupID

cant figuRE ouT my dad'S illnEss

in thE enD..weNT for traditionAl treatmenT

hope iT will bE jusT fiNe..haIxx

ive juZ beEn thinkiNG a loTX

sincE these feW weeKS..

as fOR my muM..the tumOR had spReAD

to hEr cheekS..

stiLL..mum dun waNA go check uP

stiLL wanA go treatmEnt..arrGhh

its juSt liKE what u sAid

im the eldEst..

i have to Take carex of mY famiLy

my parenTS wuD be happY to see DaT

my bRo,parenTs..my studIEs toos

siNCe aLL theSe happeN...

thinGS at hoME have chANged and changEd

reaLLi feEL like so diffEreNt..

miSsed the atmosphEre liKE last tiME

whenEver dinnEr comEs..

the whoLE family wiLL eat togetHEr

noW...haiZz..no moRe readiXx

i musT be relAx..

oR deprEssion wiLL comE to mE

whICh wiLL make myselF really worSe..hAixX

whateVA u saID to mE

thanKs a loTx..i appReciAte IT

*hUggSS*

haixx..

arGGhh..

thinING why tHIS have to hapPen

everythINg will be alRiTe..

sufferiNGS will briNg sweeT endiNGS..

argHH..im reaLLy reAlly reAlly stREss..

thinkIng abt theSe and dAT alL the dAy..kaOX

thinkiNG how to conCentrAte on mY studiEs,my parEnts,

tHEse anD dAt..

my dAd's sTiLL.haIZz..no improVEmenT

in the hospitAl for 2 weeKS plUS rEAdiXx..

my mUm stILL workINg thouGh she's dam siCk

argHH...conFusEd*...stoNEd*..

i nOe u ppL woNt belIEve mE

iTS nOt the sickNEss dAT both my pareNts goT..

iTS tHE inNEr thingY..aRghhh NVm..

its liKE sumoNE is contRollING my parentS boDY..

whAt? dATs wAd thAT person my mY mUm visitEd sAid

is thiS TRue or fAke?!?

bUt itS kiNDa obvioUS

seeiNG my dAd reaLLy reaLLy rottiNG

noW very weAk,no appetitE,becomINg more thinnEr

haiZz..whenVEr visiT my daD..wiLL hav to contrOL my emoTion

even thoUgh as a last resoRt,..

i woNt let emotionS takE me..its uSelEss

haIZzz..

whOEvEr reAds aLL thIS..

i nOE u aLL undersTAnds mE..

eithEr feelING To be lEft alOnE

coZ thinkiNG baCk...haiZz..

i jUZ cuDnt gET enoUGh slEep evErydAy

duRing my lectuRes,wiLL faLL aslEEp

den becoME very blUR

espEcially intRoductory chemistrY

i dun unersTAnd a siNGle shIt from thEre

and there will be a Test this weEk..haiZz

arGGHH...Juz hOW im suppOSd to dO noW?..

once agaIn...

we hAve to trEAsure whAT we haVE for nOW

coZ u maY nOT knOW..

sicknEss oR anythiNG might happEn to U or to ur parenTS

at any mOmeNt...

haIXx..

hopiNG dAt they wiLL recovEr soon~

*suffErings wiLL briNG swEet endiNGS*

its 4 Am plUS nO..

stiLL cudnT get to foRCe myselF to sLeeP

arrgHH..was on the cOm afTEr camE home frOm the hOspitAL

sTill...no imPRovemENt aT aLL

i dun nOE if yA' aLL beliEve in thIS

sumoNE IS tryiNg to kILL my dAd usiNG bLAck magIC

my mUm weNT to seE the mAlay traditiONaL perSon

he sAid thAT sumoNE iS killIng my dAd sloWly

WTF?..lucky mY mum wenT to seE him yESterdAy

nOW that persoN is figHTing bacK the black mAgic..

haiZz..iVE gota to belieVE thiS..iTS reallY obvioUS..

can sEE my dad reallY rottiNG..

but foR whatevEr it is..i wiLL pray everythiNg will be fiNE soon

juZ wana BE back as noRmaL like lASt tiME

im reallY lookIng frowarD to thiS daY..

and nOE sumthINg..tHAT evil persoN does the samE to my mUm too

dats why my mum stiLL havent recoVEr tiLL noW..

the doCs wILL nvR recoVEr my parEnts tOO..

the onlY wAy is to fight bAck thaT blaCk magIc..

really soundS scaRy siaLZ..*wonderinG*

haizZ..but ivE got To belieVE thIS reaLLy..

toDAy..wooTX..collect mY hP

4 dAys senD for repaiR..kAox

my scrEEn just becaME blank afTEr i dropped It

luckilY can be repAire *pHew..

hmm...juz wonderiNG..

this yeAr..days jus pasSed by so QuicklY

iTS july nOW..and gona be auguST soOn..whacKX

so faSt liao...argHH

hMm..

jUZ kindA misS u~~

jUZ dunO whY Le..

arrghH..nvm..

i ve gotA make myselF sleEp noW

no one's onlINE noW..bORed..

niTEx nitEx..latTErss

haIX.juz feeL like bloggiNG
todaY really bad dAy
my hAndpHoNE drOppEd..
nOW my phONE canT on..tHE scrEEn veRy blUr
im jUZ scarEd if i seND for warrAnty i mUZ pay..dIE~.no moNEy
hoPE fRee for the warrAnty carD..haIX
for those ppL who wanA sms oR caL me
sorriEx kX..
anyThiNG jUZ talk in mSn mayBE im oNliNE
everYday weNt to hospiTal afTEr skOOL
sEe my fAthEr lyiNG on the bEd so restLeSs
tHE doCs stILL cuDnt fiGure oUt my dAd's sickNEss
my daD havEnt slePt for 6 days reAdixx till nOw
haiX..piTy hIm..boTh my pareNts arE siCk
no oNE undErstanDS mE foR noW~~
my mUm's cant go for tRAetmenbT agAIn
coZ my dad'S sick and cant sEnd my mUm to KL
haIXx..the ceLLS are sprEAdiNG to my mUm's chEeks theRe
face quiTE rEd..im jUZ feeLing hoPElEss to sEe all theSe happeniNg
haIZz..bEen thinkIng realLI a lOTX
evErythiME goiNG to skOOL
wiLL thinK duriNg the jOurneY in the TRAin
wheNEveR me and my oTher 2 bRo werE at the HospitAl,
wILL tRy nOT to cRy..bUt wILL crY afTEr gET ouT of hOspiTAL
hAIxx..thIS yeAR rEAlly bAd lUCk upOn mY famiLY
hopIng bOTh my parEntS wiLl recoVEr
anD hoPE lucK wiLL bE upoN thEm
oR miraCleS happEns...

haPpy buRthdAy mUm..
evEN thoUGh ure siCk..
may u gEt weLL sOOn..
tHAnks for evErythiNG'

haiXx..yesterdAy went Home at abt 2am
my dad's beeN adMittEd to the HospiTal at ttSh
tan tock seng hosp..thinGS are jUSt mesEd up thEre
my my daD was brouGht to the emErgEncy warD
and guess waD? fuCk it..all rOOMS ARE FILLED UP..
wtF? what do the nurses eXpect my dad to dO?
the nursEs there arE juST likE poles,diD not take any blood test or what
to my dad,heck tempErature all theSe..WTF?
till my mum ask them do then THey do..
my daD was liKE shiveriNG all the wAy
and all the partS of my dad's bODy are in dam Dam great pAin..
i can See iT..how the paiN my dad hAve to bEAr
haiXx..why muz this sickness camE to my dad in juST a shoCk
my dad's waS healthY..and i duDnt imagIne this had happEneD
my mum's got nose cAncer,my dad'S condition gettIng worSe
stlll uNDer observatiOn in the emErgency wArd..
till nOW...i cud nt conCentraTE on my stuDieS
its lIKE ive beeN so quieT in clAss..dats why i talK less sinCe i came in this skOOL
days pASsed by..seeINg both my parenS suffEr in greaT pAIn
for those pPL ouT therE..
treAsure ur parents and waD u haVE noW..
for mE..thinGS havE just chanGEd..
changed and changEd..
haiXxx..

life's meaninGless to mE noW..

botH my paRenTS are roTtiNG as daYS passEd bY..

my dAd's goTA havE stroKE or paRkiNsoN iF mattErs beCamE worSer..

thiS's the firSt tiME oF my entIRe liFe thAt i havE to see all theSe..

my dad's cant waLk or siT too muCh

no appEtiTE,no strEngTH..so weAk

haiZz..foR thoSe pp L oUT theRe

i waNA say thIS to yoU..

tReaSure whAt u havE for nOW

treasURe ur parEntS..

liVE whAt u havE noW..

aND fOR pPL likE mE..

itS baD luCk upOn my famIly

canT slEep weLL evErydAy

beeN thinkINg so haRD on wAd to Do nOW

iTS likE iTS suddenlY hapPenEd to mY dAd

and im jUZ as shOCked as iT wAs..haIXx

for mY mUm..had beeN cryIng eveRydAy

my fAmilY jUZ cudnT do anythINg abT it

i reaLLy treasURe the tiMEs i had wiTh my famIly in those paSttimes

bUT noW..it HAs changEd my liFe..

cuDnt havE anymORe famiLy reunitEd agAin..

actuAlly i dun waNA wriTE abt thIS in my blOG..

haiXx..but jUZ really wanT to wriTE it

i juZ dun wanA diSturb my freNDs whu r takiNG the O's or N's diS yR

haIXx..wheNevEr i seE my dAd nad muM like dAt

i havE to contrOL..bUT reallY reaLLy cannOT

wiLL jUST burSt aLL oUt...

im reAlly reaLLy dun nOE what to dO noW..

feeL likE quittinG skoOL and staY at hoME

jUZ dun haVE the moOD to do anythIng...

haizZZ

i jUZ canT bEAr to sEe my dAd suffEring agAin

As dAys passEs bY,he"s becoMinG morE siCk

todAy my dAd is like gaspIng for aiR

harD to breAthE..hands shivEring,,all theSe

arGhh..the doC my dad wenT to saiD my dad

wiLl got strokE or parKinsoN iF matters reallY get worSe

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?..

1st was mUm.now my daD..

im roTtinG to sEe all these happeniNGs

cuDnt concenTratE on my studiEs for noW

keeP thinkiNG oF aLL theSe..haIZz..

wannA approAch feW of my freNDs

but suM o lVls and n lvlS diS yeaR

duN waNA distURb them nemORe

haIxx..my mUm criEd noN stoP daT dAy

my mUm still goes to woRk evEn thouGh she's siCk

todAY my dAd rushEd back hoME from woRk

theN straighT awAy lIE down on bEd

my dAd cant takE it anYmoRe..

jUZ whY muz dis aLL happenEd to me??

im prayIng dam dam dAm very haRD for my parenTS to rEcovEr fAst

especiallY my daD..suddEn sicknEss..

reaLLy piTY him..cant eAt cholestrol fooD

no appetiTe,becomiNG more thinnEr

cannOT stand or sIT loNG..haiXx

im lOSt foR noW..juz cudnt imagiNE dat all theSe happenEd

and it reaLLy makE me reallY so depreSsed...

haiZZ..im sO soRry fOR nOT bloGgiNG fOR sO loNG
wAs dAm buSY theSe dayS..
im takiNG theSe chanCe to updaTE my bLog
jUZ thoSe fuCked thingS happenEd
my mUm's jUZ woNT go fOr the CheckUp
and the doCs said to pOStpoNEd to 28 jULY

bUt dUn nOE whetHE my mUm wiLL gO

yEsterDAy..haIZz..was worSt

there wEre a lOT oF blooD comiNG ouT nOn stoP

my nEice wanNA caLL the ambUlancE bUT my mUm wonT let

iNt he enD bougHT soME ice pUT on my mum"S noSe

haIZz..my dad'S alsO siCk

tHE doC saiD my dAd's goT sliGht pRone to stRokE

haiZ..juz canT beAR to seE him shivEriNG all daY

and no appEtitE alSo..haiXx

bOth oF my parenTS are siCK

my dad"S nervE on hIS the area besiDe the stomaCh buRSt

hE's got diffiCultY to walk anD cant stand fOR loNG

had to liE on bed..

my dad'S have not workEd for 2 weekS

he'S juZ very weaK

everYdaY had to haVE a lOOkout oN mY dad

massAge my dad' leGS..aLL thosE

haiZz..whY muZ dis havE to struCk me??..

i juSt cuDnt have FAmilY harmonY anymORe

i cuDnt tasTe mY mum's coookInG anymORe

iTs alwayS my maiD cook

and i WiLL nOT eaT..nEveR

my dAd iS becomiNG mORe thinNEr

no appEtiTe alSo..haIZz

jUZ cuDnt beaR to seE mY boTH of pArenTS siCk

whEn wILL be tHaT day whEn mY famiLY will be reUnitEd

i had beeN prayIng HArd and hopiNG they wiLL recoVEr faSt

sumTimes wILL cRy anD preteND nOT to cry infroNT of mymUm anD dAd

haIZz..thE suFferinGS iVE gonE thRu

wiLL jUZ continUE..havE to bear wiTh iT

haiZz..

pLZ spAre my mUm and dAd..

dUn tAKe tHEm awaY..PLizz..

im beggINg thIS time rouND..

haiZz..im jUZ rottiNG~~

my lIfe kiNDa useLSs nOW~

thiS juSt goNa be woRsEr in thE daYS to coME..

haiZZ..

wOOtX

jUZ camE bAck hOmE

fROm a TiriNG Long dAy

it wAs jUZ a SurpRise fOR mE

sHE saID waNA meeT me to paSs me sumThinG

haD to ruSh tO noVenA afTEr sKoOL

aLSo dUn nOE wad Le..

ahaCkX..aND iVE got mY posT birthDay preSenT

i liKEd iT..=)

whICH was lAst twO monTHs agO..LoLX

hOW sWeet oF hEr..thaNkiEwX vEri mUCh

*mUAcKX*

wooTX

a nEw pErson jUZ joINed oUR clAss

sHE was on The waiTing liSt

shE was jUZ differeNT from aLL

lIKE wenXin they aLL..

ahAckx..

she jUZ remiNDs mE oF cLAriSSa

HEr facE dam sAme liKE herS

whaCKx..couDnt imAGine IT

me And fayYAz sat besiDe hEr

coZ she's loNELy

tHEn stArt lArhX..talKEd and talKEd

fOR the whoLe lectuRe..LoLX

dat was in The morniNG

afTEr skOOL..

weNT to CuT haiR..

wAna gO rebOnd My frinGE

makE it moRe liKE easIEr to styLE

onlY the frinGE onlI

bUT din GO do daT

mayBE nXt weeK or wHat

mUZ go ask my dAd foR monEy

haIX..14 mORe daYS

2 mORe weeKs

dun woRriEx..

sHE wiLL bE fiNE..sHE wiLL

evERythING's gONA be alRiGHt

suFFeriNGs wiLL briNG sweEt resuLts..

thIS soNG 'tHE truTh bY gooD charLottE..'

jUZ loVe thIS soNG dam dAm muCh..

arrGhh..soRry keL..

i canT go fOR the goOD charlooTE conCert oN 12th juLy

daM saD..i gOT lectURe anD practICal teSt

wasTEd siaLX..

iTs liKE onCe a lIFetiME i wuD gEt to mEEt thiS banD

anD see thEir liVE real facEs..arrGGhh..i cant go..

jUZ wisHEd to jaM thiS soNG..

bUT dun havE guitAr tabS..

heYYs..kElsoNN and farIS..

if uRe alL wanA go jammINg

aSk me alSo..i waNA siNG

i bE the voCaliSt..

hMM..oNE timE recoRdEd at kElsonn's hSe

still rmb laSt yEar..i siNG and kEl playEd the guitAr..

the soNG 'thank You mum' bY gC

iTS reallY got the mOmenTS in mE

felT likE singiNg thIS soNG agaIn

i jUZ loVE this sONg anD thank you muM bY gc alSo

madE mr rmb the moMEnts of last timE

nOW my mp3 is loSt

wastEd..tHEr goT my recoRdingS i sanG wiTh keL

so nICe..perfEct..at 1st sanG den lauGh

keep oN practiCe..till pErfeCt

wooTX..so paiSeh Le..

i leT sumoNE hear my recoRdinGS

den sHE paSsed arouND

tiLL my whoLE clAss gonA wanA listEn my recordiNGs

but truLy sialAr..when's the nXt time we geT to jAmmed agaIn?

sinCe all arE buSy...

pLAnniNG to maKE my oWn bANd

farIS thE rhyThm

mAnan baSsiSt

hAdi drumMEr

mayb faris alSo lead

den mE vocaliSt,sinGEr

wahhX..dun noE when can mAKe perfeCt..haIXx

onCe agAin,

im jUZ rottiNG agaIn

rot roT roT..im roTtinG

afTEr seeINg the doCumenTS oF my mum's cAse

was jUZ likE pulliNg mY heaRt doWn..

seeiNG the x raYs filMs scanS of my mum's noSe

arrgHH..i jUZ canT beaR iT..

i nOE that thiS wuD break mE..

but jUZ havE to wait till 20 juLY

sTop thinKing abT aLL theSe

waDEva lArhx..

itS aLL jUSt faTE's jOb..

i mUst nOt bE thiNkiNG and thInkING liKE oNE kiND of retArd

liKE waD u sAid 'suFferiNGs wiLL brIng swEet reSultS'

20th oF juLy......will i nOE the ouTcomE..haiXx

hmM..todAy dIn weNT home sTr8 After skOOL

weNT to mEet Up wiTh keLsoNn and kAiheNG

hOMe is bOriNG..wILl makE mE thiNK oF all Those

wEnt tO bUgiS maRkEt

wAlk waLk onLI

dEn weNT to buGis 'eDgE' upsaTirs

iT seEms dAT im goNA bUy loTS anD loTS of thiNGS

aLL thoSe itemS iw As attraCtEd..wooTX

waNA bUy the panTS froM rebiRth shOp

dam nICe anD tHE bELT wiTH a chiAN danglINg at 77th strEet

wahhXx..bUt no moNEY siaLX..

aLL goNE..leFt 5 dollarS plUS in baNk

dat tiME spenT quiTE a lOT..thINkabT 60 plUS

jUZ by bUyign a bAg aND the addiDas shOE

wahhXx..stRess liAo

whEN will i geT the hOLS..to starT part tiME joB..haIXx

augUSt?? octobEr?? so loNG...arrGGHHhXx

dAmn..iTS vEri loNG..

stOp thinKing lArhX hAyQaL

iTS jUSt no uSe~~

i hAVe to tHInk wHAT iS bEst

anD whAT iS gooD FOr thE nExT..

itS beEn vEry loNg..

sEeiNG bAck the mOmenTS

was jUST likE mAkiNG me realISe oF sumthiNg

yOu reAlly reaLLy maDe mE feeL dat iTS nOT the enD yeT

aND you enCourAged me a loTX

i appReciatE daT reALLy..

tHanKX..