Woke up at 9am today
Had breakfast,
after reheating yesterday's kenduri food.
Was quite full though. =)


Hmmmm,
Yesterday, went out to town with Hazeeq,
my brother lahh.
He got his $1k plus of his pay.
He worked only on weekends and earned 1k++
Good rite? Dont know how he get the opprtunity
to work as a nokia promoter in roadshows. =.=


Anyways, we shopped at bugis edge.
He bought a new pair of jeans,
wallet and a shirt.
Blanja-ed me a shirt too at rebirth,
Liked the design. =)

After loads of surverying,
going round and round to find the things he wanted,
lucky edge place have everything.


Anyways, theres a NEW place beside bugis,
similar to edge, just opened.
Havent been there before.

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After that, it was like close to 7.30pm.
OMG. my late grandma's kenduri gonna start soon.
I had $2 left, my brother had like $14.

Aiya, nvm lahh.
Gamble lahh if not enough money.
Decided to take the taxi to Tampines
for the kenduri.
And its like $3.00 extra for peak hours.
The bill after all was $15.70.
Hahks. We were lucky. =P
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Reached-
Kenduri still havent started yet.
This time there was many people,
Till me and all my relatives have to go inside
my granny's room.
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Had the whole recitation done.
Had food after that.

Talked to my mak nyer kakak punyer anak punyer husband.
Hahks.
Argghh relative? cousin? aunt?
Im confuseddd, i cant differeantiate all these words.
LOLS.
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.

He's a phone maniac expert. =D
He says that my PHONE
can change to 2 MEGAPIXEL camera,
plus have THE SONY WALKWAN HP,W800i SOUND QUALITY.
WOW!
All for just like $120 plus.

Hmm.. Should i go modify anot?
Should i?..
Should i?..
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.

But my contract gonna end soon.
ard end of this year i think.
Hehks,
Nehmind.

After loads of talking done,
most of us in the room fall asleep,
at granny's bed.
It was a king size bed anyways.
So well.. like 7 of us on the bed =)
ZzzZzzzzZzz..
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All the mum's still in the kitchen doing clean ups.
We went home at 2am plus.
I slept like for 3 hrs plus.
Plus i slept in the car during the journey home.

Then home sweet home. =DD

I'm missing my Grandma so much now.

Now then i realised how much ive missed her a lot.
Though i felt so different when she's gone,
on that very day itself.

She would always buy for me the,
Gui Hua Heaven n earth bottle.

She never fails to cook something special for
me and my 2 other brothers every now n then last time.
like lempeng, pisang goreng,
pulut hitam, green bean soup.

Really gonna miss all these food..

Missing you, Grandma..

Hmmm,
Im planning to make something
for my whole class after we graduate. =)

Probably just pictures and pictures of all of us,
photomerge them and make it into a drawing block size.
With borders plus designs etc.

Or maybe a 2-paged drawing block size.
Hehks, a penny for my thoughts..
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Anyways, my dad FOUND a job as an engineer.
Wheeee!~~
My dad worked in a Japan company,
which my dad started work 2 days ago on Monday.

HA.
JAPAN People.
Cool larhhss.~~
LOLS

After being retrenched for like months,
Things gonna change this time.=))
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Kayys,i did pictures-ing again.^_^
Just a few only.

Exams are very near.
But only one compulsory module.

Biochemical Practices.
11th of September.
My only and only last paper
before i go for industrial attachment(IA),
for 4 months.

Then, would be graduation.
Time flies so fast.
Gonna miss my friends really lots.
I downloaded a lottttt of photoshop brushes.
Might be taking off soon,
to edit them later tonight maybe.

I cam-whored like siao,
with my bro's N70 phone,
so clear siahhhh the image. 2 mega-pixeled ^_^

Here are the nonsensical pics, LOL

i'm sorry that it took so long

to write this song but i gave up

you see one million words can't describe

how it feels to know your love



where did i go wrong?

i should have told you from the start

that i'm closer then you think

when we're apart



i swear i'm giving up my inside

to the one that i adorded

i know this world is big enough

for you and i

but i'll give you more




i'm totally enamored by your life

nothing that i've done

has ever been for one


but without you

my life is incomplete

my days are absolutely gray

and so I'll try let your heart know for sure

that i have so much more to tell you

every single day..

I went thru your past,
I went thru how the old times felt like,

And at often times those words get tangled up in lines,
making day by day leaving me

confused. .

Just joke of the day. lol.
I dont know what this pic is trying to proof.
Makes no sense, right? Hahks.

Anyways, i love algebra.
I missed Mathematics.
Old secondary school days.

=PpP

Yesterday i dont know what happen.
I was probably veryyy extremely tired.
I went to Abg Wan's house, near my house there.

Like what ive had promised him,
taught him lots of photoshop editing stuffs.
Filters, brushes,layering,photomerging effects,
etc and etc and etc..

Brushes + layering is the most important thing =)
Yeah, it goes well after i edit some of his pics too.
The filmstrip efetc, the one i like the most


Hmmmmmmmmm,
I tell you all something.
Imagine ive edited any pic,
put effects, layering etc, etc.
And were asked to do back what i done to that pic exactly,
its really hard for me.
I just dont know why.
Its just ideas that came out of my mind,
And tadaaaaa~~ the overall result of all the creativity.
=))
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I went home after that.
Took a nap, after i bathed.
I slept at around 5 plus i think.
I woke up at 11.45pm ard there.
I was like so shocked.
I am dead-sleeping. LOLS.

My dad called me many times,
to go over my cousin's hse,
the couple just born a new baby,
not the COUPLE, the wife okay. LOLS.

-sighs. nvm, lol.
was terrible. the whole hse was so dark.
my brothersss and parents went home so late,
seeing the hse so dark and woke me up lol.
Hahks.
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The next day, which is today,
i woke up so dam early.
ard 5.30am in the morning.
Woke up,switch on the computer,
Did all the maintenace stuffs.
Defrag,scandisk,virus and spyware scanning.
Slept back. =)

Woke up back ard 10 am.
Received msg from dearrrrr kkarrott.
LOLS.
I was supposed to go online at 11am
to help her blog stuffs.
I was playing this cnc generals with my brother,
was toooo shiokkkk.
and i WON! LOLS.


Then it was like 12.30pm.
OMG. I totally forgot to go online.
Sorry yarhs for waiting quite long~~
LOLS.

Helped her out to replace the posting html,
Taught her how to create blogskin,
HtML codes.
Im so surprised that she learnt very fastttt,
seriously. =)
I taught her how to blend the images at the picture
slant the pics etc, etc.
LOLS~


Hahks.
Im not cursing you that u asked so many help.
LOLS.
Well, was like from ard 12 to 4 plus.
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Hmmmmmm, then i went to bathe again.

Went to yio chu kang,
to have my haircut.
My hair was cut thinner, thats all.
Next week, maybe tuesday
had an appointment for hair treatment =)
So after school, i have to rush there,
in case there would be lots of people.


After cutting my hair,
ive thought of going swimming,
but theres too much people.
Nvm, maybe next time then. =)
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Next thing,
I just felt i want to grow more weight.
This time i will do like 100-200 push-ups everyday.
Drink the DAM weight gainer powder i bought from GNC,
is like months i stopped drinking it. LOLS.
I better finish it up, or it goes to waste.


Hahks.
This was quite a long post.
Oh ya, BTW,
My servers are upppppppp!
except server 2..
When sial??
And also, Taijiol + FS servers are gonna merged together soon!
WOW! We would all receive updates from Taijiol and vice versa.
=PpP


Kaayyssss,
Got to go eat dinner.
Later still have to go out eat with family,
for supperrrr =))

Laterrssss.. here's another pic i edited =)

Yesterday blogger is down,
at night time.
Somehow i cant get in,
so i cant have the chance to update lol.

Hmmm..
I just did more picture edits.
Im seriously addicted.
Dam i love all my brushes sets,fonts etc.
I kept thinking about all these while.
I should be in another course doing
some graphic design shit or some it courses.

Nah,
I think all these i just did it for pastime.
In fact just a hobby. =))

Just some pics i edited..

Friendster is getting really lag and slow now.
Though after i saw some maintenance being done,
still the same thing.
I can upload my pics yesterday
but today i upload, it doesnt even come out.
=.=


Anyways,
school is short today.
8am till 12pm.
The person from dun noe wad this company
came to my school for an opportunity talk,
my industrial attachment(IA) coming soon liao.
Life sciences...
My future in being into this industry.
Haiya, i still dont know whether i like in life sciences field.
Nehmind, x.x



Went home after school.
Had a real long nap in the bus,
on the way home. =)
Didnt overshot or what.
Everytime i sleep in 969 bus,
I confirm will always wake up near khatib there or near yishun.
Good ahhh.~~ =P


Hmmm,
my worst scene of the day was last 2 years.
I wanted to drop at Sembawang,
I overshot till i think Chinese Garden there.
So far, hahas. Lol.



Okayssssss,
Im bored.
Life is boring to me now, actually.
I missed crazeee shopping,
working, earning a lil extra cash,
talking in msn till late night or the next day,
with loads of people,
swimming routine,
gym-ing routine,
squash-ing(not exactly squash people, a sport ok),
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Actually my happiest day was last year,
before i entered school, though.
-Sighs-

i'm missing you so muchhh...

Wish i could have my own laptop.
I wonder if i have a laptop,
There would be lotsssssss of tweaks here
and there being done =DD

Anyways,
I did some editing of my pics.
Since i got bored at home.
The new Photoshop Elements 4.0 PWNS!! =P





bring me closer to nature

me and my baby brotherrr =DD

farewell cadence?

I really wished i did not make that
painful decision to accuse wrongly
of you last time.

Making wrong explanations.
I regretteddd..

I wished i could reverse back the time.


Maybe you've changed much.
I still love the old you..
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i miss you..

Just five more days.
All the servers are resumed!!
Wow, im so happyyy.
Couldnt wait for that day,seriously.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,
Tomorrow would be teary test again.
Analytical Chemistry.
Lectures 10-17.
I sumhow gone thru up to lecture 15 only,
earlier this morning and dozed off after that.
>.<
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I need to go eat now.
I need to go study SOON.

I want to do something that could
keep me busy everyday.
I want to have activities.
I want to work!

My handphone bill just flunggg up highhh.
Tomorrow my outgoing calls will be disrupted,
means i cant make calls, only incoming calls only.
And i dont know when i will pay.

I cant work in banquet sector.
I just dont know why.
I used to be so happy/thrilled about working
in banquets, having new experience.
Its just that uhhhhhhhhhhh..
-personal things-
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I need to get back to the 'my used to' everyday swimming routine,
jogging at yio chu kang.
But when?!?
-.-

Check out this video.
This song makes me meltttttttttt,
seiuosly.
Great voice, guitars =)




She actually got a contract with the musical records,
after she upload her 1st video and theres lots of
video responses, comments.
TILL
people gave her many opportunities..

by giving free contract +own webby!
Good right?!? heh.

I did the pre ns enlistment online.
Sucks, though.
I dont wanna go to ns early.

I saw this note at the web itself,
saying that,

"..You may also be considered for deferment to pursue Diploma studies at Polytechnic, Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts (NAFA), La Salle - SIA College of the Arts, Singapore Hotel and Tourism Education Centre (SHATEC) or Construction Industry Training Institute (CITI), after your ITE studies, if you are below the cut-off-age of 20 years old as at 1 Jan of the course commencement year.."


So.. theres still hope..
Hehks.

So,well recently just talked to this
girl from FRANCE! It was reallyyy nice.
knew from LeetNetwork forum.

She invited me to go to paris coz that city is a nice place.
Saw her in webcam and talked with the microphone. =)

The way she talks english is a bit different.
She talks only french/spanish.
And a bit of english though i could understand some.
=P

I have nothing left after years
'in being in a such computer world'
its just GONE just like thatttttttttttt.

3 yrs plussssss of maintaining,
attending to requests by people asap,

helping ppl making sigs and avatars,
becoming the moderator,

and best part of all,
knowing people from diff kinds of countries!
I missed all of themm.
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In fact Late Zawiyah is the only person
who have seen my private server network @ the net.

I still remember what she said to me when she saw it..

When would i get over it??













When would i get over it??











When would i get over it??









When would i get over it??
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Why it's still REMAINED??..
It's still forced to remind me in my memory,
everytime...

Its time to update.
Firstly, I was supposed to watch the fireworks again
yesterday but the dang fever just prevented me to go.

Im so sick but feeling better now,
after loads of panadol tablets gulped into my mouth. =)

Yesterday, as usual went for supper with family.
This time to Jalan Kayu Place.
It was so helluva packed because,
part of the place was booked by this chinese function/festival.
So, well.. it was chaos seeing lots of commotion.

Standard, if i go to Jalan Kayu,
I would either eat thosai/prata or briyani =P
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And after settling down to get our place to sit,
I didnt notice that Ain was infront of me, few tables away lol.
Well, she noticed me and smsed me.
I thought i was caught LIVE in tv or what.
LOL.~~~

Okay, that was yesterday.
Hehks. =P

Today, since i was sick
and i cant go out. I rotted at home.
And learnt the intro of Tentang Kita by PeterPan. =))
It was hard the first time esp. the hammering part of the tabs.
Well.. managed to learn it.
Weeeeeeeeee!~~

Okays,
I have to do lots of things now.
Repair Rid's mp3,
Put songs/vids to Ain's mp3,
Burn all the required cd's,
Do some cleanup/compression on my computer,
after i transferred about 4GB of songs from the laptop.

Fuhhhhhh~~~~~~~

My friends' AHS team made it to the
3rd placing!

I was really proud of them,
though this sport, floorball is quite new to them.
The girls' and boys' team made it to 3rd placing.

It was quite a rough and veryyyy fast match as i could say,
because i was the spectator. hehks.
I know this match is really a big effort.

Man was the man of the match for conceeding 2 goals.
And the most important person would be goalkeeper,Haidir.
Its a tough pressure moment for the penalties.
All the saves he made done all of us proud! =)

Its all a tribute to Late Zawiyah.
She would be happy to see our AHS team
made it to 3rd placing, its an efforttt!!

After the match yesterday,
We went to TP, for that
no comments..
heh.

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Then,
At about 5 plus,
we went to see the fireworks display
at Esplanade.
There was like 15 or 16 ppl of us i think.

Reminds me of the old days..
Well..

It was quite similar to the last time i watched it
during the eve of the new year.
Except there is one part whereby,
there is this like parachuting fireworks.
It was really unique and nice! XD

Everything went fine,
Taking pictures,
Joking around etc.
And the most funniest part!
That someone got kissed by a frog.

Rid used the floorball stick to smack
the frog way out of control to this girl.
Wakakakakakakakaka. Lols.

You cant imagine how the slimyness,
stickyness, how atrocious the feeling.
Yucks! =P

The fireworks started at about 9pm sharp.
My phone is exact SG time, so dont worry. =P
Came out those nice displays.
Eye-catching.
It was an exact 12 mins fireworks display.

The shouts,
the some people 'jaqun-ness', maybe.
were all heard all over esplanade. heh.

Well..
Then we have to go home after the whole event.
A whole day event/outing.

National day celebration in school.

Floorball tournament in school.

TP at ubi.

Umi's house.

And the fireworks at esplanade!

=))

One more thing,

there was this question my friend asked me.

'How do you feel after the group of us have met

for almost 1yr 2 months and we are gonna reach the peak/end?"

"Actually, its like WOW. Ive never had friends/people like all if you. Its so different/unique. Its different from the primary/secondary school days. How we do things all together.. How the bond between all of us stayed put throughout.. How we really cared for each other.. How we go thru the days when Late Zawiyah left us..These journey and bond between all of us, I hope will stay put and not break off even if we graduate

from this course. I will certainly will never forget you all.."

Today school is quite short.
Had analytical chem and
medical lab prac lectures.
Is like from 8am till 12pm.

Well anyways,
went to see the floorball tournament
after that at the indoor sports hall.
My friends' team did a reallyyyyyyyyyyy good job.
I gotta say they put in lots of effort.
Though they are in 3rd placing, i think?
Congrats! =))

Headed home after that.

Tomorrows's gonna be a short day too.
Half day plus tomorrow's gonna
have the tournament again for the 3rd/4th placing.

Having plans to see the fireworks festival tmr toos,
but the TP case needs to be settled first before that.


Another thing,
Just for the real fact.
my China friend's, friends' (noe what i mean)
private servers' have been sued by China officials last 2 days.
The big loss after Taijiol company gave serious hitbacks onto FS.
And all are confiscated.

[From the latest news]
Server outset suffered by Sifu flagrant make flood attacks (SYN) attacks with the intent to steal server server information, the move was very surprising for us, why a claim has been repeatedly portrayed section game Corporation (Lung China Network Corporation) first of a series of national laws do not take the means to safeguard their interests.

So, well..
I ,too cant run the server too.
Probably after this whole 3 years of
maintaining/using etc.
I guess its a memorable one to leave.

Goodbye DarkEden..

I went for outside 'personal' class today,
from 11am till 1pm at Toa Payoh.

Dad didnt fetch me, he's too busy at mum's shop.
Went staight home.
Was too bored, playing the guitar for like hours.

I really had nothing to do.
Decided to manipulate pics,
combine pics etc, etc.
Digged out new brushes from net. =)

Hehks.
Did my new simple blogskin.
I guess its sooo much better now,
than my old complicating designs. =P

BLEED

&

BREAK
me.//

as the thought of saying says..

Missing my Late Grandma and

my late friend, Zawiyah so much..

Every inch of silence is still heard..

May their souls be brought to a better place..

Anyways,
check out my shitty song recordings

i recorded when im at bored at home, lol.. =)

http://www.bolt.com/hayqal/audio/

This month of July surely will hit me hard
right into the edge of my heart.
My late friend,Zawiyah passed away on the 12th of July.
My dear Grandma passed away on the 25th of July.

The moments, sorrows, painfulness
through days and days and nerverending?

Between the periods of the Late,
i am supposed to go for work in Swissotel.
I did not turn up on one of the weekends i have booked.
I am doomed okay?
im gonna be suspended for 2 weeks or so or more
for not answering back the call that they called me.

Uhhhhhhhhhhh...
No mood to work.
Who would want to if this condition just keep going on?
-sighs*

Hmmm..
about my future.
I dont know where to go after i graduated from my course.
NS? If have chance, go to poly? Or work?
Urrghhh.
confused. im dumb.

Life have to go on,
even with the bitter past.

Remember us on quiet days
While raindrops whisper on her pane
But in her memory have no grief
Let only the fun we knew remain.

Remember us when evening stars
Look down on her with steadfast eyes

And when her thoughts do turn to us
Know that we would not have you cry

But live for us and laugh for us
When she is happy, so are we..

Remember an old joke we shared
Remember us when Spring walks by
Think once of us when she is glad


A friend whom i've lost,
A friend is still a friend.
We'll never forget you in our memories..

On behalf of my class,
To our dearest friend, Zawiyah Binte Mohd Muliana,

We would like to send our deepest condolences to you.
May all our prayers be remembered by you.
May you rest in peace..

Your contributions,
Your joys and laughter,
will still be retained in our memories.

The late Z that we used to know
will always be remembered in our hearts. <3

just a short poem for her..

Fill not your heart with pain and sorrow,
but remember her in every tommorrow

Remember the joy the laughter,
She had only gone to rest of a little while.
Although her leaving causes grief and pain, her going will be remembered.

Remember her, not as she is now, but of what she used to be.
Because she will remember you all and look on with a smile,
Understand, in your heartsive only gone to rest for a little while.
As long as she have the love for each of you,
She can live her life in the hearts of all of you.

In loving memory, of our Late Zawiyah <3.>

Tragedies happen so quickly..
And till now i'm still as traumatized of what had happened over her.

The captured moment of what I saw after the the fall from the bicycle.

I kept having this very bad feeling and it's repeating again and again.
Maybe time will heal the pain but it would take a very long time.
I promised to repair her computer again,

I promised to teach her the chords for this chinese song.

Still couldn't accept this fate..

It's too late..

Just got back from jamming at Kris's house a hour ago.
Was with only Tiago and Kris.
So just the three of us.

We played 'canon rock'
and 'die dead enough'
=))

Jammed for 4 hours.
And me and tiago were so tireddd.
My fingers waliao got teared/haus,
coz of the solos etc.

Then off we go makan at BK.
Lepak-ed.
Home sweet home~!
=D

So far ive done some designs,
shirt designs. =))

I just need to send it
for printing on plainshirts.
It's gonna be niceee.

hehks.

I'm buying a new guitar soon.
Maybe a better brand and more bars,
for playing solos in acoustic =)

I just felt like i missed singing to you..

I noe i have not been blogging for some time.
Okays, i just feel like blogging rite now
coz people are bugging me to update.
Kay, fine.

Life is still like usual.
Ups and downs.
About my grandma's case,
She's nearly recovering now.
Thank God! =))

Sighs.
I dont know why my family or family members get sick so easily.
Hmmm,
My dad got back his numbness in leg again.
Its like sometimes half of his body cant feel anything.
At all.
For my mum,
I dont noe whether its cancer OR a person's doing.
Its reallyyy dam swollen now.
And as usual blood always will ooze out again non-stop.

I dont know why all of these things are happening.
I will just wait for the day when things gonna be alright.

I cant imagine
the hardship, sufferings my family have gone thru so hard.
The huge sum of money spent going thru and fro to indonesia for treatment.

Luckily my dad got a job back as an engineer.
Pheewwwws!
Financial wise was really unstable for the past months.
As we cant just rely on my mum's boutique only.

These person's doings are going overboard.
Really extreme overboard.
I wished he would die, die a terible,painful death
and get his worst punishment ever.

I dont want to go on telling these story bout this person.
It goes all the back.
Whether its true or fake,
It is real.

Sighsssssss.
Life is so unpredictable.
Sometimes i cudnt even accept the facts.
Sometimes like wad ive said its gone overboard now.

Just what i could do now?
Just nothing...

I could just wait till that miracle came upon me.
and also to my mum too.

About the banquet at swissotel job,
stil waiting.
I need to work now, earn extra cash
maybe for car license or buy personal stuffs.
=)

No one's at home in the afternoon except me
for like 1 week plus.
Grandma's terribly sick.
Kinda missed her,
everytime she would just keep nagging
and nagging and talking the whole day.

She would always cook better dishes
than what my maid cooks.
She would always buy for me
snacks/food/water when she goes downstairs.

Sighs.
It's so quiet at home now.
Grandma cant hardly walks now.
and feeling so weak.
Mum says this could be the last days/weeks
seeing her.


i just wished i could live a life of my own,
and runaway from all these problems...

fever,
sore-throat,
flu,
muscle-aches.

i got the muscle aches from the gym workouts
and swimming last few days.
and got the rest next day.

didnt even slept whole night of yesterday,
so i msn-ed,
create a new profile in 'bolt'
learned 2 new songs,
i live my life for you,

and;

everything burns.
hehks.

ive got a new tip.
earning money is easy.

just take part in online surveys to get cash
debited to your account

or

online investment.

tats all what this australian guy
told me and he he became rich etc, lol.

i tried online surveys,
but its such a big hassle.
the surveys are veryyy longgg
and one survey can earn me up to $1 US money.

siannnnnnn...

Left with nothing.....

My grandma got into hospital again,
after they said that she got dengue fever.
WTF?
Its really weird,
coz changi general hospital got lots of mosquitos
at the waiting area.

KAOX.
sumore its like 2 am on my birthday sumore.
Had to rush her to hospital etc.. blah3

kayssssss.

First wish
Hoping my mum to recover back from her nose 'cancer'
It grew back like last time again.
x.x

Second wish
I hope my dad wont get stroke and get sick again.
Half of his body became numb sumtimes,
and cannot be felt..
sighhsssss.

Third Wish
For 'that' to happen,
but its not gonna be possible.

School is back for now.
I took medical technology as my core module,
which would end at october.

Then would be attachment coming up.
Then would be end of school,
Then hope i get to poly,
Then go for NS,
Then hope i get to a gd company for my real job
and earn loads of money!!!!,
Lols.
Hehks. =))

Hmmmm,
I gotta change my blogskin soon
and do my class blog which will be finishing soon.
I've just installed photoshop after reformatting my com.
back to workkkk,erps. :)

I'm happy for my dad.
My dad found a job as an engineer back,
after few months of hunting jobs.
Phew~~
Seriously a big relief.

10th of May,
My baby brother's birthday.

14th of May,
Would be mother's day + my birthday!
Sweet. =)
I just dont wanna it to happen like
wad happen on last year's birthday.
But this time, it wont right? :)

It's such a nice rainbow yesterday.
I assume ur life now is getting better, rite?
^__^

I used to this
I used to that
I used to do the things,
which i would always do.

I used to look what's been happening,
I used to make sure it just goes fine,

I used to read back all those memoirs
I usedddddd toooooooooooo.

It didn't happen again,
not anymore.

I would clich and grasp on to the last hope.
Hoping that it would go on just what i used to.....

I still haven't paid my bills yet which,
is like $90 over.
Same for my brother worser $200 over.

I must work,
part-time from now on.
I was stupid to realise from now on.
Even though all the hard-work interviews,
i went;
failed.

Hmmmm,
Last 2 days was the corleone's bbq pit.
:))
Though it rain-ed for a while,
the bbq still goes on in the shelter. =P
This time there were less pictures taken.
So, i don't bother posting them up here.

Totally, it was good.
Maybe the last gathering.
But going to langkawi nxt year.
Thats what we are all planning.
hehks.

I'll be leaving for KL tonight.
For only one day,
so i'll be home at around 3 or 4 am plus.

Mum's going for treatment in KL,
hoping for the best.......

woooottsss.
what a break,
one month.

all i did was slacking.
in fact that why i didnt work?
it makes me go nuts going around
singapore for interviews again and again
=P

coming up, bbq pit.
corleone's party,
this saturday.
=DDD.


this 21 april
would be the exam results.
gonna be impatient to view it.

just came back from chalet.
aloha resort cum downtown east.
dead tiredddd.
3 days 2 nights was really good.

swimm-ing,
barbecu-ing,
cook-ing.
guitar-ing,
sing-ing.
chatt-ing,
movie-ing,
arcade-ing
late nights sleep-ing,
=DD

the most touching is
the video crews did a graduation video
about our class.
veryyy touch-ing.
few burst into tears.
hehs.

invited the course manager
and other lecturers for the bbq
and the view-ing of the video.
=))

class B,
its the end of us.
we are gonna split up in the next semester.
class b left with good memories,
how we worked together,
how we got thru together with the stumbles upon.

next semester wud be classes P,Q,R,S.
super weird.
x.x

kayyssss.
hope i got into biomed tech module.
and soon attachment in oct.
looking forward.

hmmmm..
i feel like i miss studying.
yar rite.
hehs.
=D

laterssssssssssss.

Time just passes so quickly,
10.12.2005.
Its been one year passed.
10.12.2005,
that day when things stumble down on my mind.
things changed and are not meant to be.

But till today,
I feel blessed for God and the ppl
who cared and consoled for me.
And giving me advices etc.

When thinking back about the past,
its just so un-imaginable.
How i took care of myself,
How i faced the stumbles thru' the journey,
And how i managed to keep the trust in myself.

To youu,
Really thanks lotttsssssss.
Though what ure feeling now is bad,
things will change soon,
and make u smile like before. ^^

I'll be looking forward for the rainbow to appear.
and more rainbows to come as days pass by.
and u'll have a better life ahead.
=))

day's out at sentosa today.
11am.

the sun was scorching hot
and it's gonna be perfect for tanning.
yaya it went all perfectly fine.
with beach volleyball using soccer ball lol.
and soccer with all the hot burned sweat.

it was ohkae til about 4pm.
and it rained.
lucky we were on the way to the changing room.
hahs.

iy was quite funny though.
we do like cheerleader style in the water.
2 base,2 person on top and me on the most topppp.
yea right it went stable for like 5 secs?
when we took a picture of it.
and poof splashed into the water.
hardly drowned. lol.

was like 7 people went there including me.
=)

looking forward for the class chalet this mon,tue and wed.

noe smth?
i wana do housing on my handphone,
black color casing! lols
its gonnabe NICE.
=DDDD
hehs.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

exams are over!
one month of break and relaxation.
looking forward for the chalet soon.
looking forward for the bbq pit soon.
=))

hehs.
last week went to wild wild wet,
at downtown east.
was dammm helluva great.
though it was raining a while on that day.

the rides there are better than escape theme park.
coz u see,
before taking a ride, u have to
queue up which can take up to 30 mins.
lols.

kayyyyys.
i just downloaded this
ultra,extreme biug file
called the service pack 2 for windows xp.
326 MB plus all the critical updates.
omg.

and at last i got my movie maker 2.1.
phewwwwww.
before that i had the old version,1.1.
which had no transition effects,blah3.

we will be doing the class photo movie,
just for memories this tuesday.
=))

hehs.
guess what?
i distorted my old guitar
and take out the strings and the tuner gears
onto my black guitar.

phew..
with all the pliers,screws etc.
i got back the own form back.
hahs.
looked better.
=DD

ohkaes.
laterssssssssssss.

2 more days to
laboratory exam.
4 more days to
general microbio exam.

fuuhhhhhh.
i don't know whether i can make it.
if i were to fail,
i have to repeat for one FULL year
omg.

crackkkk my brainn yesterday
at yck cc.
studied there.
only 2 hrs only.
couldn't absorbed any longer.

and also btw,
yesterday i saved a girl's life.
from being hit by a speeding car.
felt so paiseh yesterday.
it was like a tv drama;
seriously.
lol.

kkkkkkkkk,
gtg breakfast now.
laterssssssssss.

This morning.
I saw a micro-organism
in the bathroom.

While i was bathing,
there's this amoeba thing,

vibrat-ing,
shak-ing,
at a very fast speed.

omg.
I used the spray shooter
to shoot it down the drain.

If only i could take a picture of it.
wasteddddd.
its definitely real.

what could it be.
white-greyish colour.
size of a whole thumb.

And also,
the other day,
a small cockroach dropped
on top of my head.
You can imagine wads the next
feeling/moment i'm going to react.

Behave like a crazy mad cow.
and feeling sooo uneasy
for that minutes or so.

That cockroach dropped on my head,
wiggle thru my neck.
and MANAGED to get in my body.
wtf.

i become siao for a moment.
LOL.

kayyyysss.
6 more days to exam.
laboratory maths.
and 8 more days to
general microbiology.

crackkkkkkkkk my brainnnn.
=X

lols.
just embed this song to my blog,
cracked,rusty cold hearts.

composed by me.
vocals + guitar was me.
and the rhythm was my third brother.

nothing better to do,
since i went home early today.
hahs.

=))

kayyss.
gotta go study for my
analytical chem paper tomorrow.

laterssss.

it feels so lazy to blog,
day by day.

updates.
today,
went jammin' at usual place.
miracle-ly,
we get to play the full song of
jujur by radja.
and also
promise by matchbook romance.

lols.
on-that-spot we learned the tabs.
was like 3 hrs plus.
hehs.

two days back.
went to escape theme park
in our school uniform
lols!
was ohkae but,
most of the rides are under maintenance.
overall, was pretty tired
just by the queueing up for the rides.
hahs.

school.
general micro phase test DONE.
lab safety teary test DONE.
laboratory maths teary test DONE.
now left with,
molecular bio practical assignment tmr,
and analytical chem on friday.

woots.
4 tests this week.
27th march would be the real exam.
and also other subsequent exams.
phew~~ -_-"""

oh ya.
i'm always late for school EVERYDAY.
i woke up at 6.20 or 6.30.
which is very late.

i couldnt wake up like last time anymore.
even though there are 2 alarm clocks.
-__-"

had a veryy long sleep today.

yesterday,
went shopping with kel.

so, the last time i shopped
was like few months back.
hehs.

i even don't know how much i spent in all
and also,
that whole day.
i was spending a lot on water.
lols.

went bugis,
bought 3 shirts.
the adidas shop no more designs
all the plain ones.
they said that nxt month they will
import new ones. =)

took the train back to lavender.
went to beach road.
ate there.

finding the slipper i wanted
but no more stock already.
kel bought the other type of slipper.

soon after that,
went to peninsula plaza.
oh ya.
met jianyong also,
with his band friends.

now there are more than 3 jamming centres
in peninsula plaza.
the new ones at basement.

went home after that.
changed.

went out again.
for pre-wedding dinner,
for those who can't make it on the actual day,
which is today.

the food is dammmm nice.
langkawi style.
lols.

back home ard 12 am plus.
did some maintenace on my computer.
defrag/scandisk/registry check/blah3..

2am,
slept.

school's short today.
changed after reached home.

cut my hair.
and went swimming.

swimming gives u broad shoulders.
lols. =)

home after that.

whole day with the guitar,
playing new songs.

now, i don;t know what computers
meant to me anymore.

its just getting me bored.
i want my 'LAJI' program!!
arrhhggh.
=X

I can't help myself
to be felt like this again.

I'm starting to lose confidence
if i were to start all over again.

to devote,
to commit,
all back from the beginning.

I'm tired,
I'm worn out.

I don't know how much time
i have to wait again,
for me to realise again.

for that miracle
i do hope so...

my phone price have dropped drastically
if i would to sell,
it would be $ 160 minimum.
max i saw is $250.

that if it is in ultra super good condition.
mine,
scratches here and there.

my maid buying my phone soon.
for $200.

i don't know what phone im gonna buy
after that.

stick with nokia?
maybe N70?
or maybe the new recent samsung?

sick today.
terrible flu.
fever in and out,
means a while have fever,
a while no fever.

the coughs terrible.
cudn't go to doctor to take mc.
mum says this few months shop less business.

so i would just treat it as im absent.

whole day im on the bed.
feels so weak.
at least on the bed,
i learnt a few songs.
asked my brother to print the chords out.

i'm so happy i can play qing fei de yi
by harlem yu.
8 chords.
i almost got the chinese lyrics sorted out.
soon.

my fingers also dunoe why.
it teared off again.
to third layer,
so painful.

now i have 2 guitars at home,
its just nice.
coz when playing a song,
the other guitar can play as the rhythm
or the bass.

especially the song
'on nadya'.
nice.

kayyys.
im very hungry now.
and tired+weak now.

laterssss.

tired;
terrible sore throat.
everytime i swallow my own saliva,
ouchie-wouchies.

jammed after school today.
at ket's house.
at least saved money by
not going to jamming centers.

ket's house is dam bloody big.
and the jamming room is the size
of a normal living room.

3 hrs non-stop.
with my left fingers teared off.
that's why i got the dang sore throat.
its better now,
after rushing to buy the throat syrup.

i guess i have to make everyday a day,
fully filled up,
and not wasting time.
in order not to think about mum's case,
again and again.

staying at home alone,
shudnt be no more.

hmm.
the gym's workout last two days,
is still unbearable.
the cramps, aches,
on my stomache,chest and arms.

oh ya,
tmr will be the posting results.
if im gonna get to s'pore poly,
maybe i will have to go to there.
if i'm gonna get in temasek poly,
maybe i will continue in ite.

kayyssss,
tats all for today.



i think you've made that decision
maybe i should give up for now;
and break the promise in between.
will be missing you...

I swear he will die a terrible death.
I swear he will get cursed.

I wonder how much he's gonna suffer.
The price you have to pay for us,
for making situations in my family hard.

You see urself.
Your face had become fucking black.
Just because of the
outrageous bad deeds u have done.

Become blacker
Releasing back all those hardship to you back.

You think aiming my mum is a benefit rite?
You think making the boutique's business down good rite?
Wad for all these?
Wad's the outcome?
HELL you go.

Go and die larh.
I don't want to see your face anymore.
And make sure you go to hell.
Stupid old,fagged, old man.

Oh ya,
he's a bapuk btw.

The past keeps rekindling on me
again.
The same thing happened last time,
back from the start
back like april 2005.

Though time recovers as days pass by,
Trying to close the last wounds
The feeling of reminiscing back to that state
unbearable again.

How i wished to talk to you again,
How i wished i could share the problems
with you again,
like we used to do last time.

I don't want to disturb of what ure doing now
You're schooling, and having major exams this year.

Even with silence throughout the months,
Maybe its just for own good.

Maybe i've got to keep to myself,
this time.

Things have to be done fast,
the tianxian treatments coming up,
hope if it works.

Even if going to radiation process,
i won't even let.
Its gonna be painful consequences.

Hoping that this medicine would work,
from this website.
http://www.tianxian.com

seeing the testimonials,
really made me feel better.
BUT.

it costs 600~800++ US dollars.
and its for real.
omg so ex.

dad's still doing the surveying
in case this is fake.

i've really thought that everything is over,
making this year a new resolution.
and it will be over soon.
soon.

fuck off of ur stupid doings,
stupid whereabouts.
to and fro.

what's the benefit of killing people,
without being caught?
and becoming proud.

nothing,
no upright-ness.

the only thing i'm waiting,
for all these to be over..

and not,
coming back.

I saw mum struggling again
in trying to shrunk back the tumor.

but failed this time.
the person who treats mum
have left,
and gone missing in batam.

it was ohkae the other day,
all the cancer cells have fade off
but, this time
that fucking man keeps on trying
on my mum using his stupid,
some kind of thailand black magic,
making the family suffer too much.

i've thought its all over already,
dad had recovered last month.
after the treatment.

now's my mum's turn again.
few more weeks,
its gonna start to spread
to my mum's brain.
making more fatal.


i don't know why
he must be jealous of us.
jealous of my mum's boutique,
making us lose business.

i sucked,
im stupid.
i did nothing to help.

"...doctor said radiation would be the most
method but survival rate would be 15% only
with the age...."

what about the disastrous side effects?..

sighhsss.

Carry me to the shoreline
Bury me in the sand;
into the waves

Walk me across the water
And maybe you'll understand

Once the stone
You're crawling under
Is lifted off your shoulders

Once the cloud that's raining
Over your head disappears

The noise that you'll hear
Is the crashing down of hollow years

Of silence..

went swimming today
after school.

but a while.
jammed after that.

learned
mimpi yang sempurna by peterpan,
bintang di surga

also
wounds by good charlotte

recorded them'
kekek.
hahas.

For all this time I have tried
to find something else.

I tried my hardest, honestly.
I tried all I could.

But I couldn't find anything else.
I am in the same place as that where I left you.

It's always like in that dream.
Some close to getting everything,
yet so far,

away where it had left behind..

I did the encryption,

got that arse-hole's stats.

IP Address 222.165.72.211

Country Singapore

Region Singapore, North Zone

City Singapore

ISP: Starhub Cable Vision Ltd

Returning Visits 1

Visit Length 5 mins 34 secs

VISITOR SYSTEM SPECS

Browser MSIE 6.0 [internet explorer]

Operating System Windows XP

Resolution 1024x768

Javascript Enabled

19th February 2006 12:15:27 PM

19th February 2006 12:17:14 PM

19th February 2006 12:20:51 PM

19th February 2006 12:21:01 PM


that dam arse-hole.
like i care like that.
zZzzZzZz.

dead tired.

after creating the skin
which Taufan wanted.

very uber-scary theme.
using my photo-shop skills.

phew~

its almost done.
i took like one WHOLE day.

did some at his hse
and he came over my hse
to download the photo-shop brushes.

my brain gonna explode.


making me more addicted
to create blogskins.
3 blogskins done in a row this 2 weeks.
my, my.
-_-"

just in time
i remembered about JAE

i applied at 5.18pm
luckkyy sak.

it's supposed to close at 4pm.

so 5 mins after i applied,
went back to the website.

it says.
'Sry, Jae application has closed down"

phewww~~

i wished i could see the stars
with you again.

i wished we could go
to clarke quay again.
to reminisce that day again.

i wished i did not make
that regretabble decision.

i wished i could reverse
back the time.

i wished i could sing
to you again.

i wished i could go on
thru' the good and bad times
with you again.

thanks truckloads,
for being by my side.

to you,
happy valentines day.

bloghoppers,
are idiots rite?
aiyar. bai chi larh. -_-"

they come to ppl's blog.
and said hi and take care.

and asked the person
to link the bloghopper.

like as if the person knows
the bloghopper.

and when the person goes to the
bloghopper's site,
the bloghopper got around
tons and tons of frends

so i guess.
all by bloghopping.

and so,
thus this happens to me.
-_-"

like as if i want to link that
bloghopper.

what's the use.
no point.

Months, dissolving away in front of my eyes.
Dissolving so easily I have no way to grasp it
in my hands to make any use of it.

Feels like so long ago,
yet like if it was yesterday.

If my memory of you
has an expiration date,
let it be 10,000 years.

where should i go now?
where?

though the results
are still the same,
im still un-satisfied.

i should have studied
for my private O's.

wasted my money.
$300++ for 2 subjects only.

IF i were to get that IT course,
i will have to start back afresh
to a new leaf.
new life to adapt too.

one more thing,
i just can't leave ITE just like that.
given the best-est class/classmates ever.

hmm..
even mum and dad
had no comments.

nehmind.
about yesterday.
had to go back to ex-school.
me and hidah set up a booth
at sembawang secondary.

omg.
just flyers ONLY.
hmph.
you see junior college booth,
poly booths.

all with decorated,
nice posters,
articles everywhere.

mine?
plain.
lucky i had my pulau semakau leaflet,
had my student handbook.
and the JAE booklet
and lucky hidah brought
the microbio textbook.

at least something on the table.
then just small,tiny-winy flyers.
at least looked better.

ppl asking about enquiries
about other courses lahh.
not about biochem tech course.
out of 200
left 187.
gave out only 13.
pathethic.

students asked about night classes
part time courses.
aiyerrrr.

its fun to see the atmosphere
of students taking results.
some tooo happy, cried
some depressed, cried.

hehs.
lucky my brother qualified to poly.
phew~

kkkkkkkkkkk,
latersss.

got my damn results.
still same.
like last year pts.

and this time,
i am offered 8 courses in poly.
unlike last yr only 1 course
all under IT courses.

wanted to go to
cyber digital and security
or games design & development.

maybe i will get
maybe not.

but,
thinking back,
what about my biochem tech course?
one year past.

sighsss.
confusedddd.

Things changed again.
After few months,
I've thought that the sweet
ending came true;

But, it didn't.

Making things more impossible.
I don't know that
it will forever continue
as it is.

Making things so difficult.
To-and-Fro
Again and again.

Please..
Spare a thought for this situation.
You ain't doing this to my mum
for the rest of ur lives.

You think using ur
shit black magic to attack
my family is good rite?

To let us suffer
and end up dying slowly.

What could we do?
What should we do?
Useless.

God BLESS u lah.
go burn in HELL.

I still remember
you said,
life is just like a rainbow
when things changed recently.

it doesnt go mback
to that miraclethat have been expected.

My mum's tumor
started growning back.
so miracle-ly.

called for treatment again
these three days.
but couldnt contact the one
which usually go for treatment.

how kaox it is.
mum's going for treatment
on another place,
not in singapore.

sighs.

I noe you have always wanted this
to happen.


I just don't wanna start all over again
anymore.

From the start;
Commiting, everything.

sorry..

had kenduri at
late aunty's hse.

big FEAST.

wahahaha.

=DD

aiyerrr.
should have gone to chingay
today,

coz.
its better than last year
when i saw it in tv live
on channel eight.

sumore have fireworks.
=XXX.

did not go out today.
stayed at home all day.

fixed my guitar strings.
bought the second set of strings
coz yesterday while tuning
broke again. =X

now.
guitar's back to condition.
the strings gotta be seasoned first.
hehs.

trying my luck in playing reminisions
by a7X;
but only halfway
the solo part.

kayyys.
btw, chanegd blog song again.
ive got the pieces live version
BUT with the symphony band at the last part.
cant get to find it on the net.

nehmind.
i'm hungry now.

tataaa people~

Maybe i should stop
thinking about the past.

It's over already,
RITE?

So, stop waiting,
and waiting
like an idiot
till that uber-miracle happens.
bahhhhhhhhhhh.

back to school.
TOMORROW,
i'll be having
molecular biology test.

And DAM me still here,
in front of the computer.
surfing, chatting
doing things that are wasting time.

OMG.
ohkaeeeee.
at 9pm sharp.
i 'll go studyyyyyy.

molecular bio;
danggg.
si bei hard siao
DNA,RNA
genes, mRNA
they are exploding my head.

sighs.
i hope the coming real exam
i must pass.
or else have to repeat for another year.

wakakakakaka.
btw,bought the guitar strings.
but dunnoe how to fix it.
hehs.

im off now to studyyy.
like real.
hope i can study till 2am or 3am.
and NOT doze off.

and even i didnt even start
reading my lecture number one,
till the recent one.

fail.
or pass?

aiyerrrrrrrrrrr.
okae lar.
make sure i pass can le.